


Handle this

by niamcuddles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:12:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 37,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1770250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamcuddles/pseuds/niamcuddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tour life can be pretty lonely, so Niall figures he and Liam could help each other out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yeah idk what this is, it's kinda what i've been thinking about bc of all the niam going on lately. special thank yous to liam payne for being obsessed with niall horan and providing me with ideas. in case someone doesn't read tags and hates smut well... i'm sorry.

One of these days Niall would probably die of the lack of sleep he was getting lately. It's not that he could exactly complain, he loved the fans outside, even if sometimes it sounded like a herd of wild animals tearing each other to pieces rather than a bunch of teenagers camping outside a hotel.

Sure, their dedication was rather flattering but since it was the third night in a row Niall kept drifting in and out of sleep for hours, he couldn't help but groan loudly as he turned onto his side, pulling the blanket a little higher, trying not to listen to what was going on anywhere outside his room. They seemed to have a thing for singing the whole third album at unholy hours.

Searching blindly for his phone on his bedside table, Niall nearly knocked a glass of water down, not that that could've gotten him any more awake than he already was. The bright screen made everything even worse, but he blinked through the pain, immediately regretting it, the clock read 3:40 am, which meant he couldn't even get up, no, he would have to try and fall asleep for at least three or four more hours. Fuck this, why hadn't he asked Harry for some of those earbuds earlier?! Right, because he was an idiot.

Niall decided to give up then, hearing the start of yet another song, he rubbed the sleep completely out of his eyes, sitting up instead and opening up twitter, maybe they'd shut up if he asked nicely. But he had already done that yesterday and he really didn't wanna seem ungrateful.

While trying to decide on what to do, biting his bottom mindlessly and scrolling through twitter, Niall first of all didn't even notice that he was checking whether any of the boys were still awake as well, it's just when he got to Liam, he somehow wished he had done something else.

His bandmate was indeed awake, providing someone else hadn't taken his phone and tweeted five minutes ago, which was very unlikely because any other person would've at least TRIED to spell just one word right. 

Liam on the other hand didn't seem to care, not about grammar or about whoever read his tweets, and they were far from cheerful, he had never been the one good at dealing with break ups, but this one seemed to get to him in particular.

Thinking for one second, Niall sighed before shrugging to himself and slipping out of bed, not even bothering to turn on the lights as he grabbed his keys and made his way to the door. Seeing as both him and Liam had troubles getting sleep, maybe they could have them together, besides, Niall couldn't deny the stings he felt whenever he noticed how down Liam was lately, they had all tried to cheer him up, of course, but he would just shrug it off, saying it was alright. Clearly, it wasn't.

Slipping out into the hallway, Niall remembered that he wasn't even wearing a shirt, but since it was unlikely that he met anyone, he didn't hurry too much as he walked down to Liam's room, relieved as he still remembered which one it was. Any of the others would've ripped his head off for waking them.

It took Liam five minutes to get to the door and Niall's knuckles already hurt because he just kept on knocking when nothing happened, he wouldn't let himself get ushered away now, after he had made an afford to come here. "What… oh, it's you."

Liam didn't exactly sound excited to see Niall, he was a bit more covered up than the other boy though, looking far from sleepy, just incredibly sad actually, Niall pretended not to see how red his eyes were, though it did make him feel bad. It was just wrong, to see Liam this way. "Yeah, it's me."

"It's four in the morning." Didn't sound like Liam was trying to send him away, so Niall just took his answer as pure observation, pushing past Liam without asking whether it was alright, swallowing down a chuckle as he heard a mumble behind him. "Would you like to come inside…"

"You said your hotel room was lonely, so here I am." That was indeed what Liam had tweeted, that and a lot of other stuff Niall would probably never ask him about, right now he was just glad to see that at least Liam hadn't given up on his habits, his room was still perfectly clean. Only thing messed up was the bed that Niall let himself fall into, there was no point in asking, they always acted like this around each other, especially on tour. 

"You've read that?" Liam's face fell a bit when he came closer after closing the door again, Niall shoved a pillow under his head so he'd be able to look at him more clearly. That frown definitely wasn't supposed to be there.

"Yeah. I can't sleep, y'know, my room is the closest to the street." Not that it was any better in here actually, but Liam still looked kinda confused as he sat down on the edge of his bed, not even looking at Niall but rather watching the carpet. 

"I can't sleep either…" Which was kinda obvious but Niall's heart sunk, it was just the tone of his bandmate's voice that made him prop himself up on his elbows, trying to think of something to say. Surely, the fans losing their minds outside was the last thing that had kept Liam awake.

"You wanna talk about it?" Immediately after it was out, Liam was already shaking his head, causing Niall to suppress a sigh, they had talked about it already, though there hadn't been much to say. Sophia couldn't cope with Liam being on tour and away all the time, so they had broken it off, there hadn't been much for Liam to do about it. And not much for Niall to say to make it any better, as desperately as he wanted to help, he just couldn't. "I'm sorry."

For a second, there was no answer, but then Liam turned his head barely, looking down at Niall biting his lip, shrugging. "Why? It's not your fault, it's whatever. Are you planning on staying here?"

"Kinda. I thought that maybe we can stay up together, and fall asleep on stage tomorrow, it wouldn't make much difference. I can hear like every word from my room." Since Liam was clearly trying to change the previous topic, Niall decided to go along with it, he sat up as well, moving a bit closer to Liam who was staring at his hands, not looking like the best company right now. Luckily, Niall was good at the talking part. "Remember when we were at X-factor and I-"

"Wait what?" Even if it was just a small accomplishment, Liam's facial expression changing from utterly depressed to highly confused made Niall smile unwillingly. "Why are you thinking about THAT now?"

"You haven't even heard what I was gonna say." Niall gave Liam a playful push, maybe he'd sound a little stupid bringing up memories like this, but it's not like he could kill Liam's mood when it was already down to a point like this. "So, remember when we shared this room and you were like really shy compared to now but we were both so nervous that we couldn't sleep so I got in your bed and you told me you weren't gay and I started crying because I was laughing so much?"

Good memories, Niall grinned even wider when Liam shot him a glare, using the chance to lean closer. "I wish I wouldn't remember it, but I do, unfortunately. What are you trying to tell me with that?"

"Well, apart from the fact that you were blushed and uncomfortable as hell, lying in a bed together helped us falling asleep." Short, Niall was trying to offer up his company, he was just desperate now, very deprived of sleep and also, he didn't want to be sent back to his own room. Liam wasn't the only one feeling lonely all by himself.

"You could've just asked." And then Liam just got up, walking around to the other side of the bed, half lying down, kinda unimpressed by Niall's little trip down memory lane, but at least he was alright with it. Under normal conditions, Niall wouldn't have been shy to just go and slip into any of the boy's beds even if they were asleep, but Liam's gotten kinda distant lately, and a little jumpy at being touched, so this was an improvement. "Before you came here I haven't even noticed the fans outside, but I do now that you've pointed it out. Thanks."

"Sorry, Payno. I just thought I'd share my misery with you, so at least you know what's up with me if I randomly pass out during the next days." Since Niall was still sitting, he had a good sight at Liam's face, not feeling the need to stop staring because the other boy had his eyes closed anyway, not as if he was sleepy though, just as if he was tired of seeing. His hair was equally as messed up as Niall's, the only difference was that it suited him to a point where Niall wondered if it would be alright if he ran his fingers through. 

"I'm gonna pass out before you probably. And hopefully never wake up again." That being said caused them to fall into silence immediately, Liam didn't even feel sorry for saying it, he moved his arm over his eyes, keeping still as Niall resisted his urge to slap the other boy. Why'd he say stuff like that? Sure, a break up was hard, but it's been weeks now and everyone had offered their help, Liam just didn't let anyone in. This needed to change.

"I'd be sad if you didn't wake up anymore though." Getting onto his side, Niall reached out to touch Liam's hip, not really surprised when it caused his bandmate to flinch. He didn't move away though, probably because he would've fallen off the bed otherwise, not because he enjoyed it.

"You'd probably be the only one." Somehow it made Niall kinda angry to hear those things, but yelling or getting mean would cause the exact opposite of what he wanted, besides, he wasn't even mad at Liam, he was more mad at himself, for not being able to cheer one of his best friends up. 

"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. You know…" Since Liam hadn't moved in the slightest way, Niall moved his hand, testing out the waters kinda as he touched the other's wrist, slowly attempting to pull his arm away to reveal his whole face again. "I didn't have a really serious relationship like yours, but when I was like twelve and my first girlfriend broke up with me I was extremely depressed but it helped that I had my friends to talk to, maybe-"

"Well, but I'm twenty and there's nothing to talk about." Right, this was how every single one of Niall's tries got turned down, just this time, Liam actually sighed and turned away completely, with his back towards Niall, pulling out of his soft grip and ruining every chance of them ever having a normal conversation about this. Great, what now?

"But you're sad, I know it. We all do, and I feel bad for you and I know it sucks, but I just wanna help. If you don't wanna talk, then tell me what else I should do. Please? What do you need?" It couldn't be more time to get over it, Liam had had enough of that, it seemed to get worse instead of better actually, so Niall waited for an answer, not really surprised when all he got was a mumbled 'Nothing' that made him sigh. Fine then, if Liam didn't tell him what he wanted, he'd just have to assume.

Being someone who didn't really care that much about personal space, Niall tried to think of what he'd want if their positions were swapped and it wasn't really hard to come up with a new plan then.

Since Liam was already in the perfect position for it, Niall just untangled the discarded blanket from the edge of the bed before moving in closer behind Liam, trying to cover them equally, at least their legs, before wrapping his arm around Liam's waist from behind. There was hardly any space between them now, and since they had done this a million times before, Niall pressed a short kiss to the back of Liam's head in front of him. They hadn't been very close lately anyway, except for on stage, but everywhere else Liam was kinda isolating himself, so maybe this would help. "What are you doing?"

Or maybe not, but the other man tensing up didn't discourage Niall the slightest, if anything, he just held on a bit tighter. "Nothing, I just wanna show you that you're not alone. I'm here, we don't need to talk about it, but the offer is still up. And besides that, I kinda felt lonely in my room too and I could use someone to cuddle."

Which was all true, and Liam was perfect for that because he was just naturally warm and sure, they hadn't spent too much time together during the past few weeks because their tour had only started, but it didn't change the fact that they were still closer than most people. At least from Niall's side, he waited a bit, slightly pressing against Liam's back and already thinking that that was it when he heard his bandmate's voice again, softer now, and barely audible, but it was enough to cause a slight smile to form on his face. "Yeah, me too…"

"Good, you know, whenever you need some company or someone to hold you, you should come to me. We all know I'm the best at giving cuddles." Somehow it was intended to be a joke, but even though Niall chuckled a bit, he actually meant it, if anyone was sad they'd usually go to Niall to get cheered up again, he'd probably get offended a little if Liam didn't. 

"You'd always be my first choice for hugs, Nialler, don't worry." Maybe it was the nickname, or the way Liam's voice sounded as if he was smiling while talking, but one of it caused Niall to laugh shortly, relieved that he had broken the tension a bit, immediately getting into a silly mood again. Sure, he could be serious, but he was just a naturally happy person and it wasn't like Liam didn't know that so Niall tightened his arm even more, giggling as he made his friend squirm by tangling their legs up.

"Uh… maybe this is a bit too much." Liam confessed, not sounding mad at all though so Niall shrugged it off, it's not like he really cared, hell, they had done worse stuff than this, WAY worse. 

"Well, you'll just have to deal with it Liam, because this is pretty comfortable. I think I'll move to your room." Somehow this had turned out better than expected, all the frustration from before because of not being able to sleep had just passed by, Niall wasn't sure if it was Liam that had managed that or the fact that he had just been craving company in general. Fact was, if the lights would've been turned off, then maybe he would've actually been able to fall asleep to Liam's even breath and from being pressed together like this, feeling comfortable and warm underneath the blanket.

"We're leaving tomorrow though." That wouldn't stop him.

"We're on tour for months." Knowing Liam, he probably wouldn't be able to get over Sophia for a long time, so Niall just decided then and there that he'd shower his bandmate with love now that he knew that wrapping himself around his friend like a koala had helped increasing his mood drastically. There was literally nothing Niall was better at than being clingy and touchy.

"You're planning on moving to my room for the next six months?" Liam's voice had been kinda undefinable, but he was all relaxed now, that was a good sign.

"Maybe I am, I don't like how they get us rooms for ourselves now, I don't like being by myself for so long, it's boring." Really boring, plus, Liam was the only one who qualified as a roommate, because Harry and Louis always shared and Zayn would sleep through a war going on outside, it kinda sounded like it sometimes too. "You wouldn't mind, would you? I missed you when we were on break."

When Liam took too long to answer, Niall nearly sat up to check his face, getting a little mad as he realized that Liam was doing it on purpose, his laugh even sounded genuine this time as Niall poked his stomach, trying to be mad when actually, he felt really happy suddenly. It's just, all this reminded him of how close they used to be, how familiar Liam's scent was around him and how it felt to be wrapped around each other like this. And what his bandmate said after they had calmed down again was probably the biggest confirmation that Niall had definitely made the right choice tonight. "I missed you too, Nialler, of course I wouldn't mind."

 

—————

 

They kept this up for a while, as soon as they got to a new hotel, Niall would just automatically put his stuff into Liam's room and no one even asked or payed any attention to it. At first, he wasn't quite sure if he should just sleep on the couch, but as he decided he didn't care and slipped into Liam's bed, the other man didn't even question it.

It seemed to help Liam a lot, it was like he needed Niall somewhere in reach all the time, even on stage, and Niall came to the conclusion that what Liam had really been missing about his relationship was the physical part. They didn't need to talk about it, it was enough confirmation for Niall to wake up every day with his bandmate pressed up or cuddled against him. He didn't mind at all, actually, it was rather nice, partly because Liam wasn't a walking dead anymore, partly because Niall hadn't been this close to anyone for a while and he only realized this now.

On their flight back from South America, Niall somehow managed to find an excuse as to why he needed to sit next to Liam instead of alone, fighting hard to keep his eyes open as soon as they were flying for a bit. It was just the fact that it was so quiet all of a sudden, made him extremely sleepy and aware of how many hours of rest he had missed out on the past few days. Just, the wall wasn't a really good option for a pillow and a short sleeved shirt wasn't exactly making up for not having a blanket.

"Hey, Niall…" Liam's voice hardly broke through the comfortable silence, but Niall cracked his eyes open again, turning his head to get surprised by being met by a soft smile. "You cold?"

"I'm fine…" Niall didn't mean to sound so grumpy, but he was really tired, besides, he didn't really get what Liam had been trying to accomplish with that question, he was actually not cold but freezing.

"You can have my jumper." Oh. Now that was a good turn of events.

Before even waiting for an answer, Liam just started undressing himself and Niall let his head rest against his seat while watching him, half managing to return Liam's smile when he was handed the piece of clothing. It would've been really big on him, if he had decided to put it on which he didn't since lifting your arms when you were half asleep was hard, but Niall's nose instantly filled with Liam's cologne anyway even if he just used the jumper as a blanket, earning a chuckle from his left. 

"That looks really uncomfortable." Which was right, it was just really hard to get comfortable while sitting, so all Niall gave as an answer was a grunt, half closed eyes, shifting a bit more when Liam came up with something that sounded like the best idea in the world right now. "Come here, I'm probably more comfortable than the airplane."

He didn't have to say that twice or open his arms wider, Niall didn't even check his bandmate's face before getting rid of the armrest between them and half falling on top of Liam, causing the jumper to slip a bit, but that was alright, Liam was definitely a lot warmer and softer to make up for it. Being so close to each other had turned into usual behavior lately, just normally it was Liam leaning more onto Niall, but now that it was the other way around, Niall didn't mind, nuzzling his face into the other's chest.

"You're really tired, huh? You should sleep. Don't worry, if they bring food, I'll save you some." And as if this wasn't enough to cause Niall's stomach to feel all warm, Liam pulled his jumper into place again before keeping his arm around Niall, his free hand somehow ending up in the blonde's hair. 

"Thanks…" Was all Niall brought out, it was just a breath really, nothing more, he was hoping sleep would come over him soon, Liam sorting out his hair absently made him even sleepier, if that was even possible, but somehow, Niall only got a light sleep, immediately waking up again at the tiniest sound.

Well, and since he was lying on Liam's chest, the other speaking up after a few minutes nearly made him jump. "It's funny that I can tell whether you're asleep or not even if your eyes are closed." 

"Shut up, Liam." All that caused as an answer was a chuckle, Niall wasn't even trying to be mean, he was just fucking frustrated because even though his bandmate was comfortable as hell, he just couldn't sleep in. 

"I'm sorry. Is anything bothering you?" Thinking about it, there was a lot going on Niall could've been bothered about, for example the fact that getting so close to Liam lately was making it very clear how lonely Niall had actually been, like, he hadn't had a relationship in months, just a few one night stands. And hell, it really was nice to have company at night and in the morning right after waking up, feeling someone else there, but they were still just friends.

"No, I'm good… I just… I'm tired, and excited probably, for Croker and stuff, seeing my family. And it seems as if I've become hypersensitive to every sound." Well, that was only half a lie, Niall just sighed and pressed his eyes closed tighter, grabbing onto Liam's shirt.

"I can go and ask if anyone's got some earbuds for you." Sure, Liam could've done that, but that would've meant he'd stop holding and stroking Niall so not a really good idea. 

"No, I'll be fine, I'll sleep in eventually. Thanks for being my pillow." Liam's fingers behind Niall's ear caused tingles down his spine, this was new, they didn't really do anything besides holding each other or hugging, tender touches like this caused things in Niall he would rather not name.

"No problem… you're always there for me too and I never thanked you, but you're really making it better, you know." This made Niall smile, he had noticed the change in Liam's behavior as well, everyone had, but despite that, he still wasn't back to his usual self somehow. 

"It's no big deal, I'm glad I can help. I'd pretty much do anything for you." Really, anything at this point, as much as this was like a therapy for Liam, it kinda was one for Niall too.

"Thanks, Nialler…" And then Liam tightened his arm a bit, breath hitching before he pressed a quick kiss to the top of Niall's head while still brushing through his hair slowly.

They didn't talk anymore after that, Niall eventually fell asleep, pretty grateful when Liam covered his ear with his hand to numb any voices or sounds and it didn't help him to relax completely, but the caring gesture at least made him smile secretly.

 

—————

 

It was beyond anything Niall could've imagined, he was tired as hell and sweaty too, but above that, buzzing with the feeling of being on the one stage he had always dreamed of performing on.

Being more than aware of the fact that he was amusing the other four and probably all of the crew members they passed on their way back to the car with being so loud and jumpy, Niall couldn't have cared less really. Hell, he was happy and everyone could know.

"Maybe we'll have to get a bucket of ice water to cool him down." Louis suggested somewhere from behind, just shrugging and laughing when Niall stopped to look at him, not really mad though, nothing could've gotten him down now, his dream had just come true. "Just kidding, we're all happy for you and you know it."

Of course Niall did, his grin hadn't even crumbled the slightest bit anyway, but it got wider when he noticed Liam's eyes on him, out of anyone, he seemed to be the most excited for Niall. "Really happy, Ni, and you smashed it too. Like always."

So that was enough, they had been clinging to each other on stage too so Niall didn't even consider NOT taking a step and throwing his arms around the other one, nearly causing them to stumble back if Liam hadn't been this strong, grabbing onto his waist. "Thanks. You did too, Payno."

"Guys, if you're done being lovebirds we're over there, we'll tell your families you were too busy making out." All Zayn's words did was make Niall laugh, he felt kinda high, as if he could do anything he wanted, not even the fact that both him and Liam were all sweaty and gross was enough to make him loosen his arms. Not that Liam could ever be gross anyway.

"Maybe we should go with them, we-"

"No." It was a moment of complete and utter ignorance towards the fact that yeah, Niall should really go see his family like he had promised before the concert, celebrate with everyone, but while holding Liam, he suddenly came to do the conclusion that he didn't care. "Let's go back to the hotel. Just you and me."

Those words caused Liam to tense up for a second, he pulled back to look at Niall's face, maybe a bit taken back by the way the blonde was still grinning from ear to ear, the confidence boost he had gotten from this performance was insane. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." Deep down, Niall had actually no idea what he was doing as he giggled while grabbing onto Liam's hand, pulling him into the complete opposite direction of where they had been supposed to be. Not that he cared, all Niall could focus on in this moment was Liam's sweaty palm against his, the memory of his scent and warmth all around him before when they had hugged a million times on stage and above all that, this needy feeling for his bandmate that had gotten unbearably obvious that night. He didn't wanna share him, not with the other guys, not even with their families.

The thing was, Liam didn't complain, at first it just seemed like he was obliging because he was the older and more responsible one and just didn't have the heart to say no, but he didn't pull his hand away and he got into the car without complaining as well as into the elevator of their hotel, smiling along to Niall babbling on and on about how great it had felt to play Croke Park, how he couldn't wait for the next day to do it again and how he wouldn't be able to close his eyes for just one minute tonight.

Which kinda involved his other plans too, the ones he hadn't bothered telling Liam about because he was 100% sure the other would agree anyway. It's not like it wasn't obvious.

"My mum's gonna be so pissed at me for this." Was the first thing Liam said once closing the door of his hotel room behind them, Niall had pulled his shirt off, carelessly throwing it into a corner because he was burning up. 

"She'll understand you'd rather be with _this_ " At this point Niall's confidence kinda got a little bit to his head when he gestured to his bare upper body, making Liam laugh anyway. "Than with your family. Don't deny it, Liam, you'd die to make out with me."

"Of course, Niall." Though the older one rolled his eyes while kicking his shoes off, Niall saw the blush creeping into his face, which was hard because Liam was equally as sweaty as Niall and red all over, but it still motivated him to step closer, still half giggling. "What did you even plan on us doing here? I'd suggest we watch a movie and calm down but that's probably not what you want."

"Not really." Niall confessed, not being able to hold back his laugh at how far Liam was off from guessing what he wanted, putting his hands on the other's shoulders once he was close enough. "I'll tell you what we'll do."

"And what is that?" Liam was understandably confused, but he hadn't even attempted to step away, maybe because they were this close the whole time anyway though Niall still took it as a good sign. Besides that, looking into Liam's face, his soft, calming eyes and his full lips, just this would've been enough for Niall to screw the consequences.

Without answering or leaving Liam a second to prepare, Niall just smashed their lips together, choking back a moan because god, he hadn't kissed anyone in forever and there was no denying that Liam was attractive enough to force Niall to excuse himself for the bathroom three times last week because he had gone to bed shirtless. 

There was no resistance when Niall practically forced Liam's mouth to open, pushing him back against the wall hard enough to cause a bang but he just didn't care, he wanted this, no, he _needed_ it. 

Their tongues touching all hot and wet had Niall growling unwillingly, pushing his body even harder into Liam's, not even embarrassed in the slightest way that just this was getting him hard already and that Liam could probably feel it, but he was still holding Niall's bare waist, kissing back just as hard.

It was when Niall moved one arm around Liam's neck, letting his free hand slip in between them to shove it under his shirt and touch those muscles he had been staring at for the past few weeks that Liam broke the kiss.

Their breaths were going hard and quick, mixing with each other, it smelled like sweat but also like Liam's cologne that was driving Niall the fuck insane, he didn't even open his eyes or pull away, just continuing to press his lips in the corner of Liam's mouth, down to his jaw and neck. "N-Niall… what are we doing?"

A good question, one that Niall couldn't really answer because he had turned his brain off the second the door of the hotel room had closed, giving them all the privacy in the world. "Don't you miss this?"

"Miss what?" Liam was obviously fighting hard to keep his voice straight as Niall ducked down to suck on his neck, it tasted salty but he didn't care, they were slightly rubbing off against each other through their jeans and Niall nearly bit down too hard at the feeling.

"Sex. Making out, I don't know. All this. Because I do." And Liam did too, Niall knew it because he had hadn't been stopped yet, actually, Liam's eyes were glowing with lust when he lifted his head again, pressing their spit slicked lips together once more, it was sloppy but so hot and so needed from both sides at the same time.

"So you're not secretly in love with me and I'll break your heart if I tell you I'm straight?" That had Niall laughing, hell, he couldn't care less, of course he knew why this was happening, because Liam still wasn't over Sophia and Niall had just been alone for too long.

"Nope." They looked at each other, trying to catch their breaths, not letting go or stepping back, this was gonna be one hell of a mess, but the thing was that it was too late now and just Liam's thumbs digging into Niall's hipbones nearly had him moaning. "I told you I'd do anything you ask me for, and if you need this then it's okay because I need it too."

A moment of silence that Niall used to shove his hand up further Liam's shirt and press his crotch into his bandmate's, causing both of them to groan slightly. "Y-Yeah I do… we're just friends, right? And we'll be okay after this?"

"Just friends. It's just kissing and sex, nothing else, we're just helping each other out." Niall really was convinced by his words at the time, hell he just wanted to kiss Liam again, stop talking and touch him everywhere, have his hands on him in return and do what he had been thinking about every single day in the shower. Well, not only then, every time Liam was around and they slept in the same bed more like.

Nothing else needed to be said really, Liam took the initiative this time as he kissed Niall again, way harder and more forceful this time and Niall obeyed easily, his jaw relaxing to give Liam access, letting himself be pushed back, silently grateful for the older one to take the overhand now.

Liam's shirt nearly ripped underneath Niall's hands and just the one second he needed to take it off seemed as if they hadn't kissed in forever, their teeth were clashing this time, Niall's lip nearly drew blood but he just didn't care, all of this was so good and intense, he had never been this hard in his life.

"Fuck… come on, I can't wait…'m gonna burst." It was so rough actually, Niall probably ripped a few pieces of hair out as he lay on his back on the bed, Liam hovering over him, more biting and licking than actually kissing Niall's sweat glistering chest.

"We don't have… any stuff and-"

"I don't care, just fuck… get naked." It would've been weird to go all the way anyway, Niall half pushed Liam off of him to open up his own belt, shrugging his jeans off and touching himself through his damp boxers, satisfied to see Liam copy all of his actions. No denying, Liam definitely was hot with just one piece of clothing left, rubbing himself. "Come here." 

Their kisses were anything but gentle, none of this was, they were both desperate, Niall pulled Liam on top of him again, cupping his neck eagerly to fit their mouths together, moaning into Liam's as the other started rocking their hips together, creating enough friction for Niall to be pushed close to the edge within seconds. 

"Liam…" Niall whined against the other's lips, fisting Liam's sweaty hair again, other hand grabbing his biceps desperately.

"W-Wait." The kiss stopped for a second and Niall licked his lips, still tasting and feeling Liam everywhere as he watched his boxers being ripped off roughly, Liam's following close behind and then he just couldn't hush his moans anymore. "You're so wet, fuck." 

"Oh g-god…" Liam had lined them up, jerking them both off at the same time, causing Niall's eyes to roll back in his head at the overwhelming feeling of this, he couldn't believe this was happening, their skin was sticking together and he should've found this gross but instead he pulled Liam's head down once again, pressing their foreheads together, they weren't kissing anymore, just moaning and panting against his each other. "Ah, yeah…yeah, so good, fuck, go faster, Li…mmmh…"

When they came between their bodies, Niall was so loud he was sure at least one person would come up to them tomorrow and ask them about this but he didn't give a single fuck. Looking at Liam's face meanwhile was kinda fascinating too, maybe that was part of the reason why Niall came so hard, or maybe it was just because he had been horny as fuck for weeks and because Liam knew how to use his hand. 

Afterwards though, as they came down from their highs, Niall quickly became sleepy, he didn't mind too much about Liam collapsing on top of him, actually it was kinda nice to have him so close after what they had done, and to have his clean hand running through his hair until Niall pushed against his shoulder weakly. "Get off… I need to sleep."

"You're gonna sleep in this bed? Without showering?" Yeah, that was exactly what Niall was planning on doing, his eyes were half closed so he didn't really see Liam as the other lifted his head. Well, his stomach and chest were sticky, but he'd survive.

"Yah… " He wiggled out from under Liam, not bothering with clothes before turning onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow, eyes falling closed immediately. 

"Niall, I'm serious, get up and shower, you just got your jizz all in my bedsheets, you're disgusting." Liam only sounded half mad, making Niall laugh sleepily, this was the nice part of them just being friends. No need to worry about saying anything wrong or hurting the other.

The whole bed moved when Liam did but Niall couldn't have cared less, he was half asleep already when he felt a weak pull on his wrist that he was unable to get out of. "Let gooo, Liam… I'm tired…"

"Well, I'm taking that as a compliment but I'm not gonna let you sleep in my bed like this. And you're gonna get a cold too, so come on." Seriously? THAT was what he was worried about?! "Besides, you smell."

"That's not helping to motivate me, y'know, you don't smell like flowers either." But still, there was something good about Liam's scent, but of course Niall wouldn't say that now, he was still fighting to stay in bed but Liam was just stronger, pulling him to his feet eventually. "Fine, I'll get into the shower and just sleep there."

"You're not." Since he hadn't bothered to look at Liam, not really keen on getting caught while staring at him when they both were naked, he also hadn't noticed how close Liam had stayed to him, keeping him from closing the bathroom door as soon as he got there.

"I thought you wanted me to get cleaned up?" It was hard to even stand straight so Niall leaned against the doorframe, yawning while waiting for an answer. Had he really messed up Liam's hair like this?

"I'm not trusting you to do that by yourself, you're gonna pass out and die or something. And while looking like this and naked, how am I gonna explain this to anyone?" Liam had a point but it didn't make much sense to Niall until he got half dragged over to the shower. NOW he was wide awake.

"You wanna shower with me?!" Well, that was… interesting, and Liam seemed very convinced by his idea too, he didn't even look at Niall properly, letting go of his wrist slowly.

"Yeah, I just jerked you off I think you can handle it." True.

For a second, Niall stared at Liam, not really knowing what to think about it, just watching his swollen lips, his hair half sticking to his forehead yet he still managed to look somehow presentable, so Niall just shrugged to himself, getting inside before Liam.

At first it was awkward, because Niall wasn't used to showering with anyone else, he was really tired too and probably Liam noticed it because he sighed when Niall didn't do anything besides standing under the water, getting the shower gel and taking it upon himself to clean them both up.

It was so nice that Niall's stomach turned into knots, the fact that Liam cared so much about his well being, that he didn't even mind washing Niall's hair or getting him clean clothes to put on afterwards, even stripping the bed as if it made any difference.

So in return, Niall didn't comment on Liam getting underneath the blanket behind him, wrapping an arm around his stomach and pulling him so close that they were chest to back. Not that it felt bad to get cuddled like this, actually it felt really good, probably Liam was one of those people who needed to snuggle after having sex and Niall decided that he'd be perfectly fine if this became habit.

 

————

 

They got shit the next day, of course, for taking off without saying anything, for not spending any time with their families when they hadn't seen each other in months, but while Niall pretended to listen to his mum, all he really did was watching Liam through the room, hoping that no one would notice the very obvious love bite that he had left on his bandmate's neck. Not that he wasn't proud of it, because it looked good on Liam. Everything did.

"Niall, are you listening?" Forcefully tearing himself away from watching Liam's back and absently remembering how it felt like to cling onto, Niall tried his hardest to focus on his conversation with his mother again. Shit, what was wrong with him thinking of making out with one of his best friends while talking to his mum?!

"Yeah, sure, I am, sorry, I zoned out." Hopefully it hadn't been a question, but judging by the way Maura sighed, she didn't expect Niall to give an answer anyway.

"What have you been doing last night anyway, you didn't take anything, did you?" That caused Niall to laugh loudly, it wasn't even funny like, if he really did take something he for sure wouldn't tell his mother.

"No, don't worry. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you guys anymore, but I wanted to get changed and Liam came along and we wanted to relax for a bit and fell asleep." That was the best lie they had had come up with this morning, after nearly oversleeping and Niall waking up completely on top of Liam, not wanting to leave the bed. Wasn't his fault Liam was so comfortable.

And once that was done, Niall went back to half listening, this time he actually looked at his mum though, it's just that he didn't care at all about what she was saying, it didn't even come through and _god_ , he couldn't fucking wait for tonight. 

He also didn't have to as it turned out, Liam and him kept going separate ways for the day, because Liam spent it with his family and Niall tried to do the same to get his mind off, but backstage before they were about to go on stage, looking for a bathroom turned out to be an adventure.

Since Niall didn't lock the door because all he wanted was to check his hair and see whether Harry had just been joking about it looking like a bird's nest, he didn't even turn around when someone entered behind him. "I'll just need a minute." 

"Twenty minutes, to be exact, because that's how much time we've got before anyone will get suspicious." Niall nearly stumbled into the dustbin then, because what the hell?!

Liam didn't even wait for an answer, he just shut the door, making sure to lock it before coming over to a very confused Niall, holding his waist with one hand before kissing him right on the lips. It was more gentle than yesterday, maybe because the built up frustration was kinda gone now, but Niall still liked the feeling of Liam's tongue in his mouth, massaging his own, sure, it was hot when they were being rough with each other, but this wasn't bad either.

"You sure this is a good idea, we gotta get on stage." It was a hypothetical question, because mumbling this against Liam's mouth, Niall already had his hands under the other's shirt, rubbing his palms over the warm skin he found before going straight for Liam's belt. Was it normal that he was getting hard already?

"I don't care, I'd rather be late than go out there with a boner." Looking down at what Liam had said, Niall didn't really know what to say, because well, it was pretty obvious how needy he was, it's just, if he had come here because of this, that also meant that hadn't just happened because of Niall. 

"Liam, why the hell would you watch porn before a concert, I-"

Liam's laughter cut Niall off, but he calmed down again quickly, connecting their lips once more. "I wasn't. I've been thinking about last night and how I couldn't wait for tonight, so… I just decided I didn't want to wait anymore."

That was better, Niall let his eyes flatter closed again, nudging Liam's mouth open with his tongue and going back to what he had been doing before, getting rid of that stupid belt and making quick process with Liam's zipper. 

Their kiss got interrupted the second Niall shoved one hand down his bandmate's boxers, not doing much at first but feeling him, but it got Liam moaning loudly, their mouths slipping off of each other. "Shit… I completely forgot how this feels…"

"I haven't even started." Which was true, but Niall felt pretty pleased with himself for a reaction like this after not doing much, he continued to palm Liam lightly, kissing the corner of his mouth, the stubble on his jaw and down to his neck where he resumed sucking the same spot as last night. Well, fuck if anyone would get this on camera later when Liam was on the big screen, it could just be a mosquito bite or something.

"Ugh, Ni… please… I'll suck you off if you stop teasing…" Hearing this, Liam's breath hot against his ear and moaning into it loudly got Niall's pants unbearably tight, just the thought of Liam's mouth around him nearly had him cuming then and there. Fuck.

"Yeah… yeah, okay, wait." Trying to get Liam's boxers and jeans down further to get more access, Niall's anticipation didn't really help with that, but when he did finally get his hand around Liam, trying to get a feeling for a dick that wasn't his, Liam's forehead fell onto his shoulder with a groan. Niall couldn't be doing that poorly then, right?

It seemed that Liam had been really close before coming to find Niall because he didn't even last three minutes before coating Niall's hand, groaning hotly into his bare neck. "Fuck… thanks. You're good at this, jesus."

No need to mention this had been the first time ever Niall had ever given anyone a hand job, all he knew was that his face was glowing, Liam's was really close as he lifted his head again, smiling slightly even though Niall probably looked pretty clueless. "I, uh, gotta wash my hand."

"That'd be a good idea." Luckily Liam chuckled as Niall quickly turned around, he hadn't known whether it'd even be appropriate to do that, but what else should he have done, lick it off or something? Good thing they weren't dating. 

So while Liam zipped himself up again, Niall washed his hand thoughtfully, only now realizing that they should've been more careful, maybe going on stage with a boner was better than going there with cum all over two band member's shirts. "Next time we should…"

His voice trailed off kinda when two arms wrapped around his waist from behind, hot breath against his cheek and Liam's stubble slightly scratching across his skin as he placed a kiss there, then another before whispering. "Should what?"

"Umm… forget it. Didn't you want to, y'know…" Suck me the fuck off?! Because they had been in here for ten minutes and Niall was so hard it already started hurting, he tried his best not to open up his eyes now, because if he had he would've seen Liam nuzzling his nose behind his ear while chuckling, one hand circling Niall's tummy.

"I always keep my promises, don't worry. Get on the counter." Wait.

"What?" Before Niall could question it, Liam had taken advantage of his confusion to turn him around, attempting to simply left him up, which he would've probably managed without a problem but Niall stopped him nevertheless. "Wait. It's fine, I can do it."

"Okay, come on then, we got like ten minutes." Right, saying this was not helping at all, like, Niall wasn't even sure if he wanted to get a blow job on the counter of a public restroom, but the thought of not being able to cum because they ran out of time suddenly made him very eager to lift himself up on it. 

The situation was rather awkward for a second, though Liam seemed highly amused by all of this, he cupped Niall's cheek after moving in between his legs, kissing his lips and not making a secret about what he wanted, immediately deepening it and making Niall groan a bit by sucking on his bottom lip. Surely, there was hardly a person in this world that could be as amazing at kissing than Liam. Maybe no one. "Li, hurry…"

"Shh, I am." It was so good when Liam finally opened his pants up, Niall closed his eyes in bliss, letting his head fall back against the mirror behind him at the feeling of Liam's slightly rough hands around him, wanting to thrust his hips up into his fist but it was hard to do so while he was sitting. So instead, he grabbed Liam's shoulders for support, absently remembering that he couldn't ruin his hair fifteen minutes before going on stage.

"Ugh… no love bite, Liam…" Because that's what his bandmate was attempting to do while lazily jerking him off, Niall was even turning his head to give him better access, not even caring half as much as he pretended. Fuck this, he didn't care anymore if anyone found out that Liam was driving him crazy because damn. "F-Fuck…I'm g-gonna… c-can you…" 

"Of course." And then Niall's mind nearly exploded when he felt Liam's warm and wet mouth, one hand still around the base, leaving kitten licks before swallowing him half way, bobbing his head and making Niall see stars, he wouldn't have minded enjoying this for longer than half a minute but sadly, it was too much, if he hadn't bitten into the back of his hand desperately, everyone backstage would've heard him screaming.

"P-Pull off, I-" What Niall had meant to do was warn Liam, since he didn't know whether he wanted to swallow but it was too late anyway and Liam just hummed, working Niall through his orgasm, not even pulling a face or gagging. "Who the hell taught you this?!"

There wasn't even the least bit of embarrassment in any of their faces when Liam stood up straight again, wiping the back of his mouth while chuckling and watching Niall trying to catch his breath, his heart was going to jump out or something, how come Liam was giving him so many overwhelming orgasms all the time?! "I just did what I like, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"Hell, I did, thanks, Payno." And that was that, Niall zipped himself up again before getting to his feet, still trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened while checking himself in the mirror, hoping he didn't look like he had just gotten the best blow job of his life and hadn't even lasted a minute. "How much time have we got left?"

Liam took his phone out to check, giving Niall a good chance to stare at him, the way his lips were all swollen and shiny now definitely suited him, hopefully their little adventure didn't mean that nothing would happen tonight. "Two minutes, come on."

"Wait." Before Liam could go for the door, Niall quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him, ignoring his breath almost hitching when they nearly stood chest to chest again, all he did was fixing that one piece of Liam's hair though, hardly being able to stop himself from touching it longer than necessary. "That's better."

"Thanks, babe." Just like that, Liam smiled one of the smiles he always saved for special moments, not even hesitating before briefly kissing Niall's forehead. It didn't even last half a second, but it did get Niall thinking, even as he tried to push it away, hoping to forget the way his bandmate's mouth had felt on his dick, at least for the concert.

They had to run in the end, because Liam's clock wasn't even on time, but at least no one saw them getting out of the bathroom together and Niall tried his hardest not to look at Liam when they got scolded once again, because if he had, they for sure would've both bursted out laughing.

 

————

 

It was a miracle that no one had started questioning their relationship yet, Niall had kinda planned on keeping his distance to Liam in public after what had happened in the bathroom, not draw any attention on them, maybe stick a little bit to Harry because the fans seemed to like that, but it was hard when Liam always started things out of nowhere.

He'd throw his arm around Niall's shoulder and smile so brightly, it was impossible not to return and then look at him directly while singing, he was like asking for everyone around them to see. To be honest, Niall wouldn't have been surprised if he logged onto his phone one night just to see that Liam had tweeted him all public that he wanted him naked in his bed in ten minutes. Which would've been more than stupid, because he didn't need to ask for that.

Especially once their UK tour was over, quick make out sessions behind a corner turned into getting each other off in the bathroom of their tour bus, and if the other boys weren't there or already asleep, Niall would use the chance to slip into Liam's bunk for the night. It was small as hell but he didn't care, sometimes they didn't even do anything other than kissing for a while and then going to sleep, it was just for having someone else there, feeling another body next to you. They were just helping each other out after all.

"You two, are fucking." It was just a simple statement out of Louis' mouth that disturbed the silence all the five of them had fallen into. This was a rare occasion, all of them being on one bus together, for the whole night, it was hard to turn your habits off so Niall had decided that it would be alright if he lied down with his head in Liam's lap. Better than sucking him off on the floor like the day before.

"We're not." Liam didn't even stop running his fingers through Niall's hair, actually, when Niall cracked an eye open to check, Liam hadn't even drawn his eyes away from the telly. Good.

"You sure are. Or did you make those love bites on your neck with a vacuum cleaner?" Now Niall's heart made an uncomfortable jump but he tried to remain calm, just focusing on the way Liam was massaging his scalp. Just don't get hard now, right.

"Well, I wouldn't tell you if I did." The thing was, Liam sounded really convinced by what he was saying, which probably was because he was speaking the truth, they weren't fucking, but they had done pretty much everything besides that.

"No, but seriously. What's with you two? Harry and Zayn noticed too, it's not just me." Well, fuck, even though this had been bound to happen, now that it had, Niall was getting nervous as fuck and oddly enough, the first thing his instinct told him to do was sit up, cuddle into Liam and let him do all the talking. Which he didn't of course, he just remained like this, maybe he could pretend to be asleep.

"What are we doing that is so questionable?" Right after Liam had said that, Niall wanted to slap him, because hell, everything they did was questionable, the fact that they always were late for everything, they always came out of a room together in the morning, they were stuck together like glue, 24/7 and the craziest thing about it was, neither had gotten sick of the other yet.

"Oh, I don't know, Liam, maybe that your instagram is fifty percent you and Niall and that you're slapping each other's bums on stage and that you got 'Liam and Niall' trending for half a day. You both got out of your room last night with messy hair and your neck all blue and purple, we're not blind." All of this was so true fuck.

There was some silence, someone cleared his throat and then got up, Zayn, if Niall's ears weren't betraying him, Liam's hand stopped stroking him to Niall's displeasure, so he slowly opened up his eyes, attempting to sit up in a way that wouldn't be awkward as fuck. But it still was. "We… we're not… you know."

"And if we _were_ ," Liam suddenly started, immediately drawing three pair of eyes on him, Niall had made sure to get some distance between them, careful not to look at Louis and Harry, what the hell?! "It wouldn't be any of your business."

"It kinda would be though. We're in a band, we're basically together all day long, I think we should know if you two got something going on." At least Harry didn't sound too judgmental but Niall kept on watching his hands, both him and Liam had given themselves away already, there was no point in denying anything. "And if… you know, if you don't work out and don't speak anymore afterwards or whatever, it'll affect all of us. You're stuck together, for the next few years at least."

"You're _dating_ Louis, Haz, I could tell you the exact same thing." It made Niall flinch slightly, to heard Liam's voice go so hard all of a sudden, he usually wasn't like this, and even though it wasn't against Niall, he still didn't like it.

"Well, at least we told all of you, and whatever you and Niall are doing looks more like fucking around than a serious relationship." Looking at it like that, Louis was right, they were in fact fucking around and if it had gone after Niall, he would've just confessed everything at this point, because the others were right somehow, but it never came to that.

"Oh really? Well, guess what, we're old enough to do whatever the fuck we want to, I know why you're being so bitchy about it, because you can't fucking handle that me and Niall can be as close as we want to in public, because I can post a billion pics of us if I feel like it. You're jealous, nothing else, get yourself together." With that, Liam got up without another word, leaving them all shocked as he practically smashed the door closed behind that lead to another tract of the bus, he couldn't exactly get outside when they were in the middle of a street at night.

"What a jerk." Louis was the first one to speak up after that, of course he didn't mean it, Niall knew that, he was just mad because yeah, what Liam had said hadn't been nice at all. It was strange to see him like this, he usually was the last one to lose it, which was exactly why all of this had even started, because seeing Liam acting so not like himself had killed Niall.

"He's not a jerk…" Not leaving the carpet out of sight, Niall leaned back, sighing slightly while trying to think of what to do now, should he just tell them?

"No, but he's acting like one. So what's going on, Niall?" At least Louis' voice sounded softer now, usually none of them were behaving like this and Niall didn't like it at all, them fighting was the worst.

"I don't know… I just… I just wanted to help, I… and I … it's my fault. I started it. I did because I thought it'd help Liam and I thought it'd help me too." And it had helped a lot, hell, if they'd stop now all of a sudden, Niall wasn't really sure if he could deal with it, not because he was like a sex addict or whatever, he'd just miss being so close to Liam.

"To get this story straight, you two are, indeed fucking?" Finally, Niall lifted his head, expecting to be glared at or whatever, but actually they just looked desperate to find out so he half shrugged, feeling guilty for saying this without Liam's approval.

"No, but as far as it goes without … y'know." How else would he have put it, it's not like they didn't already know, but still, Niall blushed a little bit. "I… I'll go talk to Liam. I'm sure he's sorry, he didn't mean it."

"It's fine, Niall, you don't have to defend him. But thanks for being honest." He shouldn't have been and hearing it out loud made Niall's stomach drop a little, but he nodded before quickly getting up, trying to walk normally as he took the same way Liam had just minutes before.

It wasn't exactly easy to get privacy in a bus, so it took Niall one single try before finding Liam, he was just sitting there, staring at his phone, not bothering to look up as if he either knew that it was Niall or as if he didn't care if it was someone else. "Hey… um… you okay?"

"Did you tell them?" Even though he didn't sound mad, Niall still gulped before deciding to go with the truth, carefully sitting down opposite of Liam, hoping they wouldn't get too loud because he wasn't keen on their bus driver to hear about his sex life.

"Yeah… I mean, it's not like they didn't know, right? I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, I was… I didn't know what to do and I…" There was nothing to say really, Niall wanted to get up and sit next to Liam, he kept staring at him, hoping he'd look up from his phone just once but no chance. "Are you gonna… apologize? You didn't mean it, did you, Louis just-"

"What I said was true anyway, if someone has to apologize then it's him. I'm going to bed." That hard side on Liam was probably the worst right now, he didn't bother saying anything else, just shoving his phone in his pocket, already getting up while Niall was still busy progressing all of this.

"Can I…can I come too?" It just slipped out kinda, he hadn't intended to sound so desperate, not for sex or anything, but he had gotten used to sleeping with Liam next to him, so seeing the other man not even stopping at the question broke his heart.

"I think you should stay in your bunk tonight." And then Niall was alone.

Was that it? Like, they couldn't go and ignore each other now, right? Liam couldn't do that, they were stuck together, like Harry had said before, and Liam wasn't that kinda guy anyway, he wouldn't go and leave Niall hanging, after two months of… this.

Yeah, it would have been helpful to have a name for whatever they had had going on then maybe Niall would've known why the hell he had to fight back his tears.

 

————

 

Liam really did go to bed, and he pulled the curtain too, so an hour or two later, when Niall had thought of something smart to say, he got disappointed because Liam was already asleep. Now it was official, Niall was the only one who was in too deep with this, and who had trouble getting into a bunk by himself now, not able to get comfortable no matter how hard he tried.

When even Louis and Harry came from the back of the bus to go lie down, one of them starting to snore, OF COURSE, Niall had enough of this. He wasn't a fan of sleeping in bunks anyway, it was small and though his claustrophobia had gotten better, he would've actually rather slept on the floor.

So taking his blanket with him, trying to be quiet while bumping his knee on ten million things since he didn't have any light, somehow Niall managed to get to the couch in the back in one piece.

This was a lot better, sure, even though it wasn't small anymore and no one disturbed him, that didn't mean he was able to fall asleep, but at least no one would wake up if he decided to let his tears spill over. Not that Niall planned on doing that, it would be stupid to cry over not being your best friends fuck buddy anymore, right? Well, maybe Niall wouldn't mind being stupid tonight.

For a while, he just listened to the cars outside, and the way the bus sounded, hoping it would lull him to sleep at one point, and it nearly did, just so that the second he started drifting off, Niall's eyes shot open again as he heard footsteps, then the sliding door being moved.

"Niall…?" No, not now, something was definitely wrong with Liam, it was four in the morning!

"I'm sleeping." A part of Niall was cheering right now, the dominating part though told him to turn around, face the back of the couch and wrap the blanket around him more tightly. Why'd everything have to go after Liam?!

"I'm sorry, Ni… " He completely ignored what Niall had said, letting out a breath before obviously coming closer, the couch moved when he got down, crawling up to where Niall was, not giving him much room to move to. "Can we talk?"

"No, we can't, okay? I wanted to talk before but you just left me sitting there, so fuck off now." Actually, there was nothing Niall wanted more than talking to Liam, he just didn't wanna seem so easy to convince, but if Liam left now then he wouldn't have to come back anymore next time.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you sleep in my bunk." Well, Niall was sorry about that too because this looked like it was becoming yet another sleepless night, only Liam's fault and no one else's. "I woke up before and I wanted to check on you but you weren't there."

"Well, guess what, I can go to places without telling you first." Niall snapped, well, he tried to but then he heard Liam having to hold back a laugh which got him even angrier, who did he think he was anyway? "Can you annoy someone else, I wanna go back to sleep."

"You haven't even been asleep…" Liam mumbled, and then, as if everything was alright between, he moved even closer to Niall, slowly lifting the blanket until he could wrap his arm around the boy's waist, trying to to get him to turn around. "Niall, please, what do you want me to do? I told you I'm sorry and I really am." 

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm tired." The urge to just give in and let Liam slip under the blanket completely was really hard to resist, but Niall tried his hardest, not even acknowledging the tingles he got from his shirt slipping and Liam's hand touching his bare skin.

What did it for him though was Liam suddenly leaning over him, kissing his ear unexpectedly before whispering in it. "I missed you, Ni. Please turn around." 

So that's what Niall did, making sure to groan a bit more than necessary, as if he really hated to do what Liam had asked for, as if he wasn't glad that it was so dark that the blush in his face stayed unnoticed. "What now?"

"Hm…" Liam took his time to answer, he was still sitting up next to Niall, his facial expression hidden due to the fact that they had no lights on, but he removed his arm from under the blanket, reaching out for Niall's hand instead to lace their fingers together, his thumb caressing Niall's. "Can I kiss you?"

"You don't have to ask." He never had before, but this time was kinda different anyway, when Liam leaned down, lifting their intertwined hands above Niall's head and letting his breath tickle the other boy's lips, he was being more gentle than usually, it was almost as if he was scared of breaking Niall.

They didn't even deepen the kiss for a while and before they did, Liam ran his tongue over Niall's bottom lips tenderly, asking for entrance, not urging him into opening his mouth like so many times before. It was slow, and sweet, they could've carried on snogging like this forever if Liam hadn't lied down half on top of Niall, applying a bit too much pressure on his knee. "Ah, shit."

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" It sounded very alarmed, Liam immediately let go of Niall's hand, sitting up more straight again.

"Not your fault, I bumped my knee before because I didn't wanna turn on any lights and you just touched it the wrong way, it's okay though." Actually not at all, because now that wonderful kiss was over and Niall even felt guilty for just thinking of it that way, but it really had been, gentle and perfect.

"Oh… you want me to check on it?" Not as if that would help or do any good, but Liam threw the blanket back anyway, making Niall shiver for a second before he touched his leg, careful not to brush the scar, as if he was really about to do something about it, but then he just kissed it softy, making Niall's eyes grow a bit wider. "Sorry."

"I-it's okay…" More than that, it was really nice, the way Liam kissed his other knee too afterwards, caressing it a while and smiling up at Niall as far as he could tell in almost complete darkness.

"You want me to make up for before?" Jesus.

"How?" As if Niall didn't know, the question just made Liam laugh quietly before suddenly grabbing Niall's ankles to spread his legs a bit more, getting in between them, hovering over Niall's stomach. 

"I'll show you if you give me permission." Who would've said no to that, seriously? The way Liam was already lifting up Niall's shirt a bit to reveal his stomach was enough to have Niall nodding without thinking, letting his head fall back into the pillow.

"Yeah… of course." It felt so good to have Liam taking care of him like that, kissing around his stomach softly while rubbing circles into Niall's hipbones slowly, taking extra time with his belly button just because he knew that Niall was ticklish there and would try to push him away. All that helped though was Liam chuckling against Niall's skin and giving him goosebumps as he carried on with his treatment, hooking his fingers underneath Niall's sweats as soon as his kisses got stopped by the fabric. 

"Do you trust me?" The question came kinda late, considering all the things Niall had let Liam do to him, but instead of saying that, he just let his eyes fall closed as Liam pulled both his pants and boxers down, nodding quickly, Liam could pretty much do anything to him he wanted at this point. 

It started out like a very good blow job that got Niall hard within seconds, Liam's question had long been forgotten when he started kissing and sucking around the head, keeping his fist around the base, sometimes moving it to Niall's balls and Niall doing nothing besides trying not to moan, he really couldn't now, there wasn't even a real wall between them and the others and even though they knew what was going on, they didn't need to _see_ it.

"This'll be good… I promise…" Liam's breath was really hot on Niall as he murmured, just having pulled off enough to talk before going right back to his previous activity, mouthing at his cock lazily before bringing his hands under Niall's thighs, pushing to get him to put his feet flat on the couch, spreading his legs a bit more.

Maybe Niall would've questioned this a bit, but he was kinda busy not breaking skin while biting into his hand, not even daring to watch Liam because seeing him licking at his balls would've quickly put an end to this, he could hardly force himself to shut up anymore. "L-Liam…"

"I got you, babe." And then Liam's question from before made a bit more sense when he suddenly spread Niall more open, licking him _there_ and Niall's eyes shot open immediately.

"Oh my… god… fuck…" Not in a hundred years would he have thought anyone would do this to him, sure, Niall's seen it in porn before, but experiencing it himself was completely different. It felt so overwhelming, the fact that Liam wasn't disgusted and just going for it as if he had done this a hundred times, attempting to push in and just the feeling had Niall automatically reaching for his cock, jerking himself off to Liam doing something so incredibly intimidate.

I didn't last long though, without being able to say anything because he couldn't open his mouth, Niall came all over his hand and stomach, a muffled moan escaping him even if he tried to keep quiet, but no one could blame him. He definitely had a new favorite.

"Jesus, Liam…" Not opening his eyes but rather letting his legs fall down again, trying to stop panting and running his clean hand through his hair, Niall tried to come down after Liam had worked him through, sitting up now. 

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" It clearly was a joke but Niall seriously considered throwing a pillow at Liam's head, he would've, if he hadn't felt so incredibly good and at ease. 

"I guess you are." How could he not have, after someone doing something like this for him, god, Liam was so amazing. There was a bit of moving that Niall wasn't interested enough in as to open up his eyes to check, but he did when he felt something rubbing on his stomach. "What… oh."

Liam had gotten a tissue to clean Niall up, just smiling when their eyes met, hopefully not seeing the blush in the other's face. "Give me your hand."

"Thank you…" This was so nice, he even pressed a kiss to Niall's fingers after he was done, grabbing his sweatpants and boxers afterwards, petting his upper thigh softly.

"Come on, you gotta get dressed, Ni, as much as I love seeing you like this… it might cause some inconvenience in the morning." Right, he couldn't roll over and go to sleep naked like they had so many times before, Niall still groaned a bit as he tried to put his clothes back on without getting up, having Liam chuckle at him softly. 

"Do you want me to, um…" It only occurred to Niall now that maybe Liam needed some … help as well, but to his surprise, the other just shook his head, suddenly gathering the blanket.

"I'm good. Come on, we should go sleep in my bunk, I don't want the others walking in on us in the morning." For a second, Niall considered moaning around until Liam would agree that they could stay here, but before he was even able to open his mouth, Liam was already on his feet, his free hand stretched out towards Niall. Well, maybe sleeping in Liam's bunk wasn't such a bad idea.

They somehow forgot to release each other's hand again, Niall blamed it on being too tired to care when in reality, he was too scared to enjoy it, also the way he had to lie half on top of Liam to make this work a few minutes later, not minding too much anymore that there was hardly space. "Are you gonna talk to the others tomorrow?"

Liam just sighed slightly at this, curling his arm around Niall's waist to pull him even closer, readjusting the blanket to cover both of them equally while Niall snuggled his head into the crook of his neck, tangling their legs up in the process. "I… I guess I will. I gotta apologize…"

"They won't be mad, don't worry. Why did it get you so worked up anyway?" None of it made any sense to Niall, sure, he had been scared about anyone finding out as well, but they hadn't exactly been careful about it.

It almost seemed as if Liam didn't plan on answering anymore, he buried his face in Niall's hair all of a sudden, wrapping his other arm around him as well. "I just… I wanted to tell you something." 

If Niall wouldn't have enjoyed the way they were all snuggled up together, he would've lifted his head to check Liam's face, a little confused by not getting a real answer. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, but… you know, I've been kinda… not feeling that good all day long and then all those comments made me snap I guess." Now that made even less sense, also, it was a first for Niall to hear that, shouldn't he have noticed if Liam hadn't been feeling good? Maybe it was the fact that he thought too highly of himself, that Liam had magically been cured just because of what he and Niall had been doing. But it seemed as if Niall was the only one who had almost completely forgotten about Liam's break up. "Um… she texted me."

"Sophia?" Niall couldn't help but talking a bit too loud, he didn't even notice actually because the blood rushing through his ears kinda numbed anything else going on, he grabbed onto Liam's shirt, as if he needed support and hell, maybe he did.

"Yeah… she said maybe… maybe we could talk, you know. 'cause she misses me too." It's something Niall had never considered, which was why he froze at Liam's careful words now, not quite sure whatever it was that he was feeling all of a sudden. Definitely not joy.

"Oh. That's great, isn't it?" No, it wasn't great at all, but it had sounded appropriate to say that so Niall had forced himself to, hoping his voice didn't sound too tight. "Maybe it'll work out again."

"Yeah, maybe… " And then Liam let out a breathless laugh, one that made Niall tear up heavily, he quickly pressed his face tighter into Liam's shirt, trying to calm down. "I'm glad you're happy about it, it felt wrong not telling you about it right away."

"Of course, Li… well, we're not dating or anything right, we're just friends, you don't have to tell me everything." Why exactly was Liam so extremely thrilled about this? Sure, this was awesome, this was why they had even started all of this, to help Liam, but … what about Niall?

"Still, I wanted to tell you. I'm so glad it's you, it'd be weird afterwards with anyone else, in case me and Sophia really try it again, I mean." _Afterwards_.

"Uh… I really hope it'll work out, Li, you deserve it. And no worries, we're fine, we always are." Niall was far from fine actually, he didn't even know what it was, he truly tried to be happy for Liam, because it was true after all, he did deserve it, so why had it felt like lying when saying it?

 

————

 

It was weird afterwards, only for Niall though.

Liam went to apologize to the other boys the next day, and they all talked about it while Niall just stood there blushed like hell because of the way Liam didn't even hesitate to tell them about the last two months, promising that none of it would effect the band because him and Niall could just go back to normal anyway. Could they, though?

For about a week, Niall was really good at pretending that none of it had happened though, there was no reason at all actually for him and Liam to keep fucking around and making out whenever they were alone but they still did. A few times, Niall promised himself that he'd stop this, because hell, Sophia would get on a fucking plane just to talk with Liam about their relationship and yet he still let Liam do whatever he wanted just a night before his ex would arrive. 

And the morning after that was the first morning he woke up alone, at 1 pm because it was their free day, and a note on the pillow Liam had fallen asleep on last night. 

 

_Niall,_

_thanks for being such a good friend and sorry i left but i didn't wanna wake you this early_

_Sleep tight_

 

And that was everything on there, nothing else, he hadn't even SIGNED it, plus it was written on a tissue. Maybe for Niall to dry his tears with, who knows.

It took a while, he just sat there in the middle of the bed, alone, with his fist clenched around the tissue, trying not to freak out over the fact that even though he had no confirmation yet that Liam wasn't single anymore, he was pretty sure about it.

So it was over now, whatever they had had, Liam would be fine again, everyone would expect them to just go back to normal. Just like Niall had planned that night after Croke park when he had just been horny as fuck and high from performing and he had figured Liam wouldn't mind getting some. And then after a while, he had thought they'd just stop again, stop being this cuddly with each other and kissing and getting each other off in the most inappropriate situations.

Yeah, all this was going exactly like planned, no feelings involved, just friends helping each other, but somehow… somehow Niall still wanted to scream and punch something, Liam preferably, even though it wasn't his fault, Niall had started this, it had all been his own idea, so he had to suck it up now.

Putting on the first clothes he found and grabbing his phone, Niall had no idea where he was headed to, all he knew was that maybe flushing the tissue down the toilet while fighting back tears had been a very childish reaction, but he didn't care too much.

There were too many fans in front of the hotel as to go outside, so Niall went to the only other place he could think of, which was the roof top, and exactly the place where he had thought Zayn would be.

They weren't supposed to go up there actually but it was the only chance really to be outside without getting mobbed, besides, no one really cared that much anyway, it wasn't like they were going to jump or so, they didn't even come near to the edge.

"Hey." Zayn looked up as Niall approached him slowly, he was just standing there, a few meters away from the entrance, having a smoke, nodding at his bandmate. "Can I have one?"

"Thought you wanted to stop." It was just observation, because he was already throwing the package and a lighter over to Niall, nearly making him drop everything.

"I never said that." But it was true, and it bugged Niall that Zayn had noticed because the only reason he didn't smoke anymore was that he had always had his mind filled with Liam. But now that that was done… "Where's everyone else?"

"Um… I don't know actually." Not very surprising, Zayn didn't sound too motivated to find out either and he just shrugged, taking his stuff back as soon as Niall had lit his cigarette, almost making him drop it then. "Oh right, I saw Liam a few hours before, said he was gonna pick up Sophia from the airport."

"Oh really." It came out too sarcastic, of course Zayn knew what had been going on the last two months, but he had never been that interested in it as Harry and Louis, which was why Niall had even decided to go look for him, he didn't ask questions. Or so he had thought.

"Yeah. I wonder if they're getting back together, Harry wanted to make bets last night." Right, last night when the other three had gone out or something and Liam had convinced Niall to go to his room with him and they had already been naked ten meters away from the bed.

"'bout what?" Niall let his eyes wander over the skyline, their hotel was by far not the highest building around, not that it mattered, he couldn't look down anyway without being caught smoking on the roof top with ten million cameras.

"About if you would join them on a threesome or not. I'd advice you not to, by the way, Sophia doesn't look like she's up for it." What the hell?! Just stay the fuck calm, Niall.

"Well, I wouldn't want to anyway, it's not like I can't live without sex. What me and Liam were doing was just for fun anyway." The fun had stopped a week ago though, but Niall tried to laugh, concentrating on his cigarette for a bit. "It was just to help him, because he was beating himself up because of the break up, and I … I didn't mind."

"Still, it kinda sucks for you though." Yes, finally someone who got it. Even though… this wasn't about the sex, just, Niall didn't want to admit it to himself. "But you and him will be okay, right? Bros before hoes, that's what Harry said last night, he also said he was sure Liam would regret ending whatever you two had."

"Harry is gay, how would he know? And did you just call Sophia a whore?" Zayn just shrugged, then suddenly, he started grinning after studying Niall for a bit.

"Well, looking at your neck, I'd say that the only whore here is Liam." And then he flicked the rest of his cigarette on the ground, stepping on it before walking past a very stunned Niall, handing him back the package and the lighter. "Don't beat yourself up over it, okay? Just come to my room if you're bored, my friends are here for a few days."

And the translation for that was, 'Come to my room if you wanna get high, because my friends brought stuff'. Hell, Niall did wanna get high.

 

————

 

Liam went missing for the day, he texted Niall something but it wasn't anything special so he quickly broke the conversation off again, not keen on asking about how it had gone with Sophia. Not like he didn't know.

After smoking half of Zayn's package and feeling really guilty for it afterwards, Niall went back to his room to shower and change, he should've probably done that before, wash off whatever memories he had had of last night because it didn't matter anymore now. It wasn't going to happen again and he'd have to accept it.

Afterwards, he wasted some time on his laptop, skyping his cousin, just anything to pretend that things were alright, why the hell couldn't he remember what he had been doing all day long when him and Liam hadn't been this tight?!

When he couldn't take it anymore, Niall made his way down to Zayn's room slowly, he wasn't keen on company actually, but somehow he also didn't want to be alone, besides, pretty much anything was better right now than dealing with reality. He could've gone out, gotten a bit drunk, but it wasn't really appealing to take some stranger back to his room tonight so this was the only option.

One of Zayn's friends opened after a few knocks, his eyes were a bit red shot, he was throwing his head back laughing at whatever someone had said from behind. "Z, it's Horan."

They knew each other, not very well though, but it's not like Niall gave a fuck right now, he just nodded at the half stranger before pushing past him and inside, immediately being met be the way too familiar smell, it stuck on Zayn's clothes sometimes, well, sometimes on Niall's and Louis' too, but only for special occasions. This was one.

"Hey, Ni, catch. How's Payno doing?" As if Zayn knew that Niall had in fact been beating himself up over all of this, he threw him a joint without asking, making some space on his bed because there wasn't anywhere else to sit. It was loud too, because no one in here was really themselves anymore, exactly what Niall wanted.

"Ah, I don't know, haven't seen him." He dropped down next to Zayn, letting out a relieved sigh after taking a puff, leaning back against the wall and trying to remember what everyone's name in here was, just to keep his mind busy.

"Yeah, who cares, fuck him." Literally.

Of course Zayn didn't mean it, he was saying it out of sympathy, to make Niall feel better probably, give him the chance to say whatever he wanted about Liam but nothing ever came and they dropped the topic like that.

Hours later, Niall went back to his room in the middle of the night, after turning Zayn's offer down to bring him because even though he had gotten higher than anyone, maybe also a bit drunk, he was still slightly aware of the fact that he'd try and get into Zayn's pants because of how badly the thing with Liam was getting to him. And he didn't wanna wake up tomorrow knowing that he had fucked yet another one of his bandmates, not that it could get any worse now, Niall wouldn't care that much if it had been anyone else, it was just because Liam was Liam.

It was really hard to stay serious or even quiet, plus, his room was a whole case of stairs higher and somehow Niall had forgotten the way to the elevator so that was a little bit of a problem. Shit, was it really this hard to lift a foot, and why was it so funny anyway, maybe Niall should take a small break. Or sleep right here, in the middle of the staircase.

While he was busy laughing at himself and because somehow he thought it'd be a good idea to text complete bullshit to one of his friends, feeling too tired to manage all the way by himself, he sat down, slightly remembering that everyone who was allowed in this tract of the hotel was crew members anyway.

Well, and his bandmates.

"Uh, Niall?" It wasn't Liam luckily, because that would've been slightly awkward, just the thought of it made Niall laugh out of nowhere, causing Louis and Harry to change a look. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Um…" Harry's words had to sink in at first before Niall was able to answer, taking a bit too long to shove his phone back into his pocket. God, he was hungry. "Zayn. It was Zayn's idea."

"What was Zayn's idea? That you take a nap in the middle of the stairs?" Well, now that Louis pointed it out, it did sound kinda stupid, but Niall laughed it off, attempting to get up and nearly falling forward if Harry hadn't rushed to support him, immediately scrunching his face up, but not letting go.

"He's drunk." Only slightly, Niall decided to correct him.

"No, I only had two glasses, I smoked mostly. I forgot how much. But Zayn said-"

"I'm sorry I got it wrong, Niall." Harry interrupted him, holding his arm a bit too tight as he rolled his eyes. "You're drunk _and_ high. And don't blame Zayn for it, I'm pretty sure he didn't force you to take any of it." Then he turned to Louis, who seemed just as done with everything as his boyfriend. "What are we gonna do?"

"Take him to his room, I suppose. Should we call Liam?" That name being said half got Niall back in reality, he tried pulling out of Harry's grip, not exactly sure why or what he was doing but now that he remembered Liam, he suddenly got really angry.

"No! Don't call that wanker, fuck Liam…" Actually… "No, don't fuck him, I wanna do that."

"Alright…" They shared another very funny look that Niall hardly noticed though, then they seemed to come to an agreement silently, Louis coming up the stairs as well, putting his arm over Niall's shoulder. "We'll get you to your room, okay? Come on, Ni."

"But I gotta…" Yeah what? He couldn't remember anymore and it also didn't really matter because none of the other two seemed to care, Harry wrapped his arm around Niall's waist, leaving him no real choice other than to go with them.

It was really exhausting, not only for Niall, he also almost forgot which room he was in and since the other two didn't know, he suggested he could go and ask Liam, immediately being stopped by Louis' arm. "No, no, you're not gonna do that. I think your room was at the end of the hallway, right? We'll just try the card, give it to Harry, come on."

They were talking as if he was five years old, Niall didn't really mind that much, after they had brought up Liam into the conversation, he felt the urge to go and see the other boy, still remembering that Sophia was there too but he just didn't care. That was the reason why he had gone to Zayn's room, so he'd stop caring about everything. Mission completed.

"Thank god…" Louis mumbled when the door clicked, pulling Niall inside with him, Harry following close behind. "Alright, listen, Nialler…"

"No, thanks." All Niall did was finally breaking free of their hands grabbing onto him all the time, just collapsing face forward into his messed up bed, fighting hard to shrug his shoes off like that.

"It wasn't an offer." Someone helped getting his shoes off and Niall turned onto his back, rubbing over his eyes once before looking at Harry and Louis standing in front of his bed, not looking too happy. "You can't go into Liam's room once we're gone, okay? Just… just stay here, yeah? Call us if anything's wrong, just don't go outside and do anything stupid, promise?"

For a second, Niall considered it, maybe taking a bit too long because the other two were clearly getting impatient and annoyed, but then Niall decided he was too tired to get up anyway. So instead, he pushed his hand down his sweats. "Yeah, well, I'm gonna have a wank."

"Niall! God, what is wrong with you?! We're right in front of you!" At least they made sure to cover their eyes now and head for the door while Niall was just laughing loudly even though he hadn't even been joking, plus they shouldn't act so innocent, Harry used to run around naked all the time. 

"Just go to sleep, you freak!" And with that the door was half thrown shut, plunging Niall into silence, though he could still hear ringing in his ears, suppressing a yaw as he lazily stroked himself, not bothering to pull his pants down.

It wasn't really exciting at first anyway, just when Niall suddenly had flashbacks from last week, remembering how it had felt to have Liam's hand there instead of his own, them grinding against each other, Liam panting into his ear, his hot mouth around him…

"Fuck, Li…" Niall moaned into his empty room, tugging harder now, eyes pressed closed to make it seem more real while imaging that Liam was there with him, rubbing him while whispering dirty things to him like he had started doing two weeks ago. God had it turned Niall on.

Since of course Liam wasn't here though, Niall had to use his other hand too to touch himself, rolling his nipple between his fingers before shoving it down his boxers as well to touch his balls, using his own precum as lube.

Not even five minutes after he had started, Niall was cuming in his pants, still with Liam's name on his lips, not giving a fuck afterwards that he was all gross and sweaty, smelling of weed and alcohol but just turning onto his stomach again, falling right asleep to daydreaming about Liam kissing him goodnight.

 

————

 

A few sharp knocks in a row had Niall nearly jumping out of bed, for a moment, he had no idea what was going on, all he knew was that his head was hurting as he rubbed his temple slowly, blinking against the disturbingly bright light as he half stumbled to open up the door.

Then everything came crashing back down as he stood face to face with Liam, who looked like he had just come home from a photoshoot, while Niall probably smelled like he had slept in a dustbin. Which was probably the reason for Liam's smile to get shaky. "Uh, you alright?" 

"Yeah, I… I was… sleeping. Sorry." Rubbing his eyes with his knuckles lazily, Niall stepped back to let Liam enter, trying to ignore his heart beating way too fast and the hope growing in his chest. Maybe Liam was still single? Maybe he had come to tell Niall that it would be alright if they just carried on like before? After all, Liam's lips looked really kissable today.

"It's really late, Ni, um… I didn't wanna wake you up, but anyway… can we talk?" Well they already were, so Niall nodded, making an inviting gesture with his hand as he quickly went to the bathroom to check himself, nearly shuddering. He looked like a junkie. Who had come in his pants, fuck, hopefully Liam hadn't noticed those stains. "Alright, I… I'm back together with Sophia." 

Luckily, Liam hadn't come after him into the bathroom so he also didn't see Niall's face falling, or how he had to take a breath because he felt like his heart had just been stabbed with a knife. Then he put on a fake grin before coming back out, finding Liam sitting on the edge of his bed. "Really? That's awesome, I'm happy for you, mate."

"Yeah…" Something was up though, because usually Liam always returned the smiles, just this time, he eyed Niall a bit worriedly, taking his time to ask the obvious question. "Have you taken anything last night?"

Somehow it made Niall laugh shortly, because this is exactly what his mother had asked the first night after him and Liam had done anything, just this time, the answer was a bit different, he didn't even look at Liam while saying it, just going through his suitcase for new clothes. Preferably some without cum stains. "Zayn's friends are here, I was bored so I hung out with them. Maybe I took a bit too much." 

"Harry and Louis, um… told me what happened." Fuck those idiots, Niall clenched his hand around a shirt for a second before forcing himself to calm down, letting out yet another chocked laugh.

"Yeah, I was a bit high. And the stairs looked comfortable, so… whatever, I'll talk to them later." No one could make him responsible for what he said when he wasn't himself, especially not Liam, it wasn't any of his business after all. "I'm gonna go shower."

"Do you mind if I wait here?" It sounded really unsure and Niall hated it, that was probably the worst part of all of this, that there was a possibility they couldn't even be close anymore as just normal friends. What if it all was broken now? 

"No, that's okay." Provided his _girlfriend_ didn't get too bored without him, was what Niall actually thought, he didn't dream of saying it though, the last thing he needed was coming off as jealous. He wasn't, not even a bit.

Taking a bit longer than necessary, maybe a bit to purely make Liam wait out of purpose, Niall was still surprised to see him sitting there when he came out of the bathroom again, throwing his dirty clothes into a chair. 

"So… should we go? It's really late, I haven't noticed." Why was it so hard to look at Liam even though he could feel the other boy's eyes on him? Well, maybe because it would've made Niall tear up to think about how he'd never get to look into this face ever again after waking up in the same bed, not wearing clothes because they had been too lazy, but still being comfortably warm underneath the blanket. Maybe the memory was better than reality had been, but it didn't matter anyway since it'd never happen again.

"Niall…" The change in Liam's voice finally made Niall look at his best friend, watching him sighing before getting up slowly, what was he so worried about? Shouldn't he be jumping around and singing? "You know when we said this wouldn't affect our friendship?"

But it already had. Still, Niall nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"I don't want it to but I feel like it's affecting us already and I don't wanna lose you. That's why I came, you mean too much to me, Ni. And what you've done… you really saved me, you know. You did. And I've been thinking about it last night because I couldn't sleep and I know… I know this sucks for you and I'm sorry. Really." It was hard to be mad at Liam when he pulled those puppy eyes, coming closer to Niall and when he didn't back away, he put his hands on Niall's hips lightly.

"You don't have to be sorry, it's fine, it's not like I'm a sex addict. Or as if I'm in love with you." Even though Niall was a 100% sure that Liam would cringe at how fake his laugh sounded, the other boy smiled before pulling Niall against his chest, tightening his arms around him to hug him properly. At least now Niall didn't have to keep a straight face anymore, he wrapped his arms around Liam's neck, hesitating for a second before resting his head on the other's shoulder, inhaling silently. Yeah, that was the scent he had been missing last night.

"You didn't go and get high because of this, did you?" It was unlikely that Zayn had told Liam, so Niall felt free to lie.

"No, I was just bored, Liam, god, don't think so highly of yourself, you're not the center of my world, y'know." And with that 'joke' the tension was broken, Liam was laughing, probably thinking that Niall just didn't let him go because he didn't feel like it when in reality, Niall had to fight back a few tears before he'd be able to face Liam again, holding on even tighter.

"I was just making sure. So we're good, yeah? And I don't have to ask anymore next time I wanna wait in your room?" God, why was this boy so fucking clingy, why was he making it so hard?!

"We're always good, Liam." Maybe they could be, if Niall tried really hard, if he pulled himself together around everyone else, looked away whenever Sophia was around and kept his mind filled with stuff so that he didn't feel the urge to kiss the life out of Liam. Or not even that, actually, he would've rather been allowed to fall asleep in his arms even if that would've meant they'd never see each other naked again. But since none of it would happen… Niall was kinda fucked with his realization that the stinging feeling in his chest didn't come from the fact he'd miss having a fuck buddy rather than knowing that it wouldn't be him anymore getting photographed with Liam's arm around his shoulders, no it would be _her_.


	2. Chapter 2

No once could tell Niall that he wasn't trying really, because he was, and it wasn't hard to play along with whatever Liam did, he still acted very affectionate towards Niall, it's just, that was all he got. And as soon as Sophia was somewhere around, Niall was completely forgotten and it hurt, even though he knew that it would happen, but how'd you prepare for something like this happening every day? 

Still, no one talked about the fact anymore that Niall and Liam had had something going on, it was as if it had happened in his mind or something, which couldn't be true considering the fact that Niall still got off to it, pathetic as he was.

"Niall, thirty minutes, okay?" He gave a sign over his shoulder that he had heard whoever had told him that, even though he was clearly aware when he had to be on stage, just wandering around backstage absently to waste time.

Last night had been rather short, Niall had considered paying Zayn a visit but then decided that he couldn't risk it because of the concert tonight, after all, he didn't want this to affect his life, he just didn't want to cry his pillow wet. Maybe tonight, or he could go out, either way, there was plenty of stuff to do that didn't involve-

"Liam!" Exactly. "We can't take a picture like this, you're such an idiot."

The clearly higher voice and Liam's laugh following right after gave Niall goosebumps, a few days ago, he would've just walked past quickly, maybe even covering his eyes, but his attitude had changed a bit. Liam was still his friend, best friend even, plus, him and Sophia had had enough time alone the past few days.

So that's why Niall just walked into the room, having his facial expression perfectly under control as he tried to look surprised at seeing them. It wasn't a nice sight really, them hugging like this, but at least they were doing it for a picture and not just because. Still, it would mean that Liam would have yet another picture on his phone that Niall wasn't in. 

"What're you guys doing?" It sounded really casual to Niall, he just stepped closer, so he could look at them through the mirror, Liam turning his head slightly, still half laughing but not letting go if his girlfriend.

"Well, we were attempting to take a picture but obviously I'm not good enough at posing." Sophia said something that sounded a lot like 'You got that right', giggling when Liam did something that Niall never wanted to find out about.

For a second, he wanted to turn around and leave, run away from this, but it seemed like he couldn't even tear his eyes away from them. So then he decided to fuck it. "I'll show you what your picture is missing."

"And what is that?" Before any of them could ask more questions, Niall had just stepped up behind Liam, wrapping his arms around him and Sophia too because that's how little he cared, resting his cheek on Liam's back, trying not to breath in too obviously.

"Me." They both laughed, luckily not being able to read Niall's thoughts because trying to be funny was the last thing on his mind, he just wanted to ruin a couple picture and force Liam to look at it afterwards.

And it seemed to work too, there was a hand on his waist suddenly that clearly didn't belong to Liam, but they really seemed okay with going through with this, Niall felt like a child that they found too cute to say no to somehow, but they were both amused as he watched their faces through the mirror, Liam lifting his phone again. "Hope you're not gonna regret this once I post it."

Little did he know that was one big reason why Niall had wanted to be in the picture, he pulled a face as he waited for Liam to be done, quickly deciding that he didn't wanna let go afterwards as he heard Liam chuckle, Sophia pulling away. "See, Niall knows how to take a picture, Li."

Since she was gone now, Niall just wrapped his arms around Liam's shoulders from behind completely, not lifting his head but rather closing his eyes, deciding that he wouldn't leave them anymore before going on stage, he'd just make a joke out of it. "You should dump Liam and date me, I'm a lot funnier too."

"Niall!" Liam moved, trying to sound shocked, but he had nowhere to go because Niall was holding him so tightly, Sophia laughing somewhere in the background. "I'm funny too."

"Well, sometimes." Niall confessed, smiling into Liam's back when he felt the other's hand wrapping around one of his wrists, just holding him.

"You guys are really cute, we should've cropped me out of the picture, I didn't even wanna take one to begin with." What brilliant ideas this girl had, she'd be fun to have around if she wasn't dating Liam.

"It's too late now anyway because I already posted it." Well, at least Niall was in there too, he still hadn't opened his eyes again, just because it was easier to focus on Liam's palm on his skin like this, and his warmth on Niall's cheek that he felt through his jacket. _Niall's_ jacket actually, he had borrowed it Liam months ago and never gotten it back, and he loved it right now, even though, wearing Liam's clothes himself was probably better. "You ever gonna let go of me again, Ni?"

Liam's voice got Niall back into reality, it hadn't sounded mad at all, so all he did was tightening his arms, deciding to say what he wanted to say because as the situation was right now, no one would take him serious anyway. "Nope. You're mine."

It felt good to be this openly clingy, with no one saying anything, he wouldn't have cared even if they had probably, but they just laughed and Liam held onto Niall's wrist a bit longer, for the little time they had left anyway. 

At least it meant that Sophia was keeping her distance to Liam now, she didn't even mind what they were doing, probably because Niall would've had to kiss Liam on the lips for anybody to get suspicious. Not that he would've minded that, how long had it been since they last kissed? Ten days? Eleven? Way too long, that was for sure.

 

————

 

There was something about seeing Liam interacting with the other guys on stage more than with him that got Niall insane. Plus seeing the kiss he and Sophia shared before that probably influenced his mood negatively as well, maybe Niall was becoming too greedy, he should've been happy for getting two hugs instead of nothing, but it still wasn't enough for him, nothing ever was. Like, even if Sophia left again to go back home because she could only stay for so long, things would still not go back to how they had been, Niall would still not get Liam to himself like he wanted to and it was driving him the fuck insane. Almost like an obsession, he finally got those fans outside their hotel now that had kept him awake, his mind was constantly revolving around his bandmate as well.

So as soon as the concert was over, Niall made sure to get a hold of Zayn, feeling like a drug addict for being so desperate, maybe he should've gotten himself together. This had happened too often during the last few days, he usually wasn't like this. "Zayn, wait."

"What's up?" He looked tired, just like they all were, Niall was the only one never finding any rest, thinking about having to go to his room and lying awake for hours nearly had him shivering.

"You got some left?" Niall was biting his lip as he saw his bandmate lifting his eyebrows at the question, shit, he should've just gotten drunk instead, all by himself, so no one would notice, but it was too late now.

"Well, I do, but… you've been smoking a bit much during the past week." Which was funny to hear out of Zayn's mouth, even if it somehow felt nice, because even though he wouldn't start yelling at Niall like Liam would have if he had known, Zayn still cared about him. But he'd say yes anyway, if Niall bugged him long enough, which he probably shouldn't. "Why don't you go out with me and the other two instead?"

"I… I don't feel like going out really, I just.. whatever, forget it." But before Niall could leave, wanting to slap himself for being this stupid, Zayn stopped him, with a softer face now, as if he knew exactly what was going on. Maybe he did. 

"You can get my spare key from Paul, they're in the bottom of my suitcase, but, Nialler… watch out. Stay in your room if possible and maybe don't drink." Zayn seemed to regret his words as Niall's face brightened up a bit, he just wanted to say thank you and leave, nearly embarrassed about how much in a hurry he suddenly was. But there was still a hand stopping him. "Maybe you should talk about it instead. With me or any of the boys."

"There's nothing… there's nothing to talk about, but thank you. I'm gonna be alright, I always am." Niall should've known that Zayn had had no problem figuring this out, he had kinda expected it so it wasn't that much of a shock. "I'll be careful, I promise."

"Yeah, okay… call if something's wrong?" Though Niall nodded quickly while pulling out of Zayn's grip slowly and turning to leave, he didn't plan on doing any of the things Zayn had advised him to, not one.

When he got back to the hotel, by himself, the lie as to why he needed Zayn's keys came easy over his lips, he was so used to lying by now it was ridiculous. And even though no one was watching him anyway, his heart was still bumping too fast when he got the joints, not all of them of course, shoving them into his pocket as he slipped into the hallway again.

The second mistake was getting the vodka he still had had in his room, and then the biggest was not staying there but heading for the roof top instead. It's not like he planned on getting so shitfaced and high that he'd fall or jump off, he just couldn't stand his room anymore, even though they left for a new hotel every second day, it was just the fact that he didn't have anyone to share it with. That he didn't have Liam to share it with.

It was kinda cold because of the wind blowing but Niall didn't mind, he was still feeling hot from the concert anyway, besides, he had a good sight from up here and since it was unlikely that anyone saw him when it was dark already, he stepped closer to the edge, looking down.

Falling down from here would've left him as more than just badly hurt, not that Niall planned on doing it, he wasn't gonna kill himself over Liam, it wasn't that extreme. But he wasn't as happy as he usually was either and it was kinda funny, to think that he had been trying to build Liam back up, pull him out of his constantly depressed mood, but now it seemed as if all Niall had done was swapping their places.

Now he was the one not sleeping anymore because he was missing someone, just other than Liam, he couldn't even show it openly, and maybe he was just a bit too good at overplaying things.

This wasn't Niall, bunking up with alcohol and joints in the middle of the night on the roof top in a city he hardly knew, all by himself. Yeah, he had been alone a lot lately, maybe this was getting to his head as well, homesickness, not having Liam there anymore to lean onto, not a good combination.

An hour long, nothing really happened except for the fact that Niall emptied half of the bottle and smoked a bit too much, he had planned on saving some for tomorrow, it didn't look like it anymore, but at least he was smart enough to not go inside again, or leave the hotel and take pics with fans while being high. 

The thought of it had Niall laughing, hell, maybe he should really give it a try, who cared really, there was a video of Zayn and Louis smoking weed and they hadn't gotten into trouble either. Now that Liam wasn't there anymore to constantly tell him what to do, he could as well-

"Niall?" For just a moment, Niall thought he was getting paranoid, which wouldn't be so unlikely, but as he stopped himself around from walking up and down, his ears hadn't betrayed him.

Problem number one, this time it really was Liam and problem number two, Niall didn't get in what kind of situation he had just gotten himself into, something Louis and Harry had saved him from once, but no one was there now, just the two of them. And Niall was about to break into a laugh again, for no reason in particular. "Payno! Hey, were's um… Sophia?"

"What the hell are you doing?" Liam sounded angry as he closed the door behind him again, quickly coming over to Niall, stopping for a second while watching him, then his eyes widened when he saw what Niall was holding in his hand. "Niall! What the fuck, are you insane?! You can't smoke weed on the fucking roof top and… have you been drinking too?! Are you trying to kill yourself, give me that, now!"

"Whoa, don't get your knickers in a twist, Liam, I can take care of myself." Occasionally.

Niall couldn't even blink as fast as Liam had already snatched the joint from him, throwing it onto the ground and stepping on it before grabbing Niall's wrist roughly, it seemed like he'd explode from anger any second. Looking at him made Niall laugh. "I swear to god, I'm going to lock you in somewhere, I just had to fucking call all of the boys to have Zayn telling me where you might be, why didn't you stay in your room? You know how dangerous this is?! Why did you do it anyway, fuck, Niall, how often do you even do this?!"

He didn't get an answer, even as he pulled a still giggling Niall after him, back towards the door, Liam seemed more desperate and confused than mad now, not that Niall really cared about anything he had said, he just hugged the older boys arm. "You're so hot when you're yelling."

That almost had Liam stumbling, then he swore under his breath before pulling Niall into the lit hallway with him, shutting out all the street noises as soon as he pulled the door closed behind them. They were were really close now, because Niall didn't wanna back off anymore, he wanted Liam, he did all the time just he was never brave enough to admit it, only when he was drunk or high. "Ni, we gotta talk, okay? But you have to get into a bed now."

"Yeah, in yours." The way Niall simply wasn't aware of anything Liam was trying to tell him, over confidently pushing the other boy against the wall and ducking his head had Liam sighing, yet he still didn't get rough, just grabbing onto Niall's hips, trying to bring more distance between them.

"Niall, come on-"

Almost two weeks of frustration building up in Niall was enough for him to press their bodies together, attaching his slightly parted lips to Liam's neck, not seeing a reason anymore to keep it all in, his head was spinning slightly as he mumbled against the other's skin. All the things he had been fighting so hard not to let show suddenly wanted to break out of him. "You're mine, Liam. Not Sophia's or anybody else's. I fucking hate seeing you with her, I even hated you talking to Zayn on stage today. I want you. So much."

Liam didn't do anything after that, his grip on Niall's waist got weak, probably because Niall's mood had changed from horny to depressed and he just put his head down onto Liam's shoulder, nuzzling his face into the fabric of his shirt. 

"And I miss you. I can't sleep. I think about you all the time and it's so unfair, Liam… I… I did it because I wanted to help you get better and now I'm the one whose feeling like shit. Please come back, please." Being in the state that he was in, Niall didn't think of what his words might cause to Liam, he just leaned into him with all his weight, not aware of the consequences this was going to have tomorrow when he was himself again.

"Hey…" One of the hands on his waist move to Niall's cheek instead, caressing his skin and nearly making his eyes drop closed. "Look at me."

It was hard saying no to such a soft voice, so even though it was exhausting for Niall to lift his head, he did still did it, Liam's palm still cupping half of his face, thumb swiftly brushing over Niall's cheekbone. 

"You know how much you mean to me, don't you? I'd never wanna hurt you, Niall, and if you've really been doing this all because of me, then we'll find a solution for it, I promise. But right now, you gotta come down again, and then we'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?" No, Niall didn't wanna talk about anything at all, not now, not tomorrow, but as soon as he started shaking his head, Liam cupped his face with both hands, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You can stay in my room, yeah?"

"I don't want to, your girlfriend-"

"She's not gonna come back for two days, I told you about it, she has to be home for her sister's birthday." Right, maybe Niall should've listened, he just automatically started thinking about something else whenever Liam brought Sophia up, besides, right now was not a good time to remember anything anyway. "Come on, it's gonna be okay, Nialler."

Nothing was going to be okay, but Liam's face was all soft in front of Niall's, and the tender touches on his face were intoxicating so all he did was nodding, letting Liam turn him around and completely trusting him to not letting him fall.

The way downstairs was really exhausting, not even soothing words from Liam and his arm never leaving Niall's waist could make up for that. When they entered his room, Niall felt yet again another sting in his chest, he hadn't even been in here before, sure, they had only arrived two days ago but still. 

"Okay, careful." Liam was really doing his best, managing everything with one hand since he couldn't let go of Niall. Well, he could've, because Niall was clinging to him like a koala, but he was nice enough not to. "Alright… do you wanna go to bed?" 

"Noo…" Niall knew exactly what he wanted, but he was just getting tired now and he thought that maybe he could still try and convince Liam as to why he was better than Sophia in the morning. "I wanna shower."

"You can't even stand straight." Liam sighed once again as he ran his fingers through Niall's hair, giving him tingles.

"Shower with me then." In this moment, it wasn't even meant in a sexual way, Niall just felt really gross plus he didn't want to part from Liam for one second and what his bandmate said had been true anyway, he also couldn't really feel his legs anymore so that wasn't surprising.

"I… " There was some hesitation, Niall lifted his head from Liam's chest, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles, about to start whining and begging when he noticed the smile appearing on Liam's face while he watched him trying not to fall asleep standing. "You're cute, did you know that?"

"I still wanna shower… I feel gross." No idea what Liam found cute about him exactly, he was just sleepy now, tightening his arm around Liam's waist so he wouldn't fall.

"Yeah, okay…not like you haven't seen me naked anyway…" It still sounded very unsure though, Liam was probably scared of Niall trying anything, and he would've, if he hadn't gotten so damn tired all of a sudden and if Liam taking care of him hadn't been this nice. "You could at least help me a bit with getting you undressed, Ni."

"But you're so good at that…" This hadn't even been intended to be a joke, Niall truly meant it, causing Liam to sigh deeply, shooting him a look before pulling Niall's jeans down himself. Not like this was the first time he was doing this.

Them both being naked caused Liam to blush slightly, but he didn't lose track of anything, maybe scolding Niall once or twice for staring shamelessly, but like Liam had pointed out before, there was nothing about each other they hadn't seen before, or touched even. So why be embarrassed?

"Alright, get under the water, come here." Liam had made sure to check it first before pulling Niall under it, chuckling over something before grabbing his shower gel. "Are you just gonna stand there?"

"Yeah." That's exactly what Niall had planned on doing, that and watching Liam washing himself, because he was really fucking hot when he was naked _and_ wet. Good thing Niall wouldn't have been able to get a hard on now anyway, because it would've happened a long time ago. 

The only thing was that Liam wasn't even about to wash himself because a second later, he had his hands on Niall instead, getting his hair clean first, then moving to his shoulders, arms, careful not to go too deep though, even if it wasn't like that. Niall closed his eyes, nearly purring at the soft touches because this was wonderful, it felt so intense now, which probably got caused by the joint he had smoked, but anyway, there was no feeling in the world coming close to Liam caressing his skin.

When they were done, Niall could've passed out, he didn't though, thanks to Liam, who also rubbed his hair dry and everything that was waist up, not looking bothered by any of this. "Can I sleep naked?"

"No." Too bad, Liam rolled his eyes, towel loosely around his waist as he wrapped the second one over Niall's shoulders. "But you can sleep in boxer shorts, I'll get you some." 

Sure, Niall could've probably managed to put those on by himself, but he wasn't dumb and since he knew Liam wouldn't let him get into bed without anything on, he acted so clumsily that the other one had no choice but to help him, making Niall chuckle.

"Don't think I don't realize what you're doing, weirdo. Lie down now." Still, there was a tiny smile on Liam's lips as he pulled Niall over to his bed, throwing the blanket back while waiting for him to get inside. 

"But you're gonna sleep here too, right?" Maybe it was the sudden panic in Niall's voice that got Liam's face soft again, he tugged him in before sitting on the edge of his bed, leaning over Niall.

"Yeah, but I gotta get dressed first. You can take a nap meanwhile, I'll be there in a second." He closed his eyes before kissing Niall's forehead briefly, moving to get up again afterwards, but Niall held his wrist to keep him there. "What's wrong?"

"Give me a real kiss." Immediately, Liam's face fell and he froze on the spot, about to shake his head. "Please? Just one."

"I… I can't do it, Niall." He also shouldn't have and they both knew it, but Niall was really desperate for it, also, he kinda knew what he'd have to say to get Liam to do it, even if it was unfair, something he wouldn't have done normally.

But nothing that happened between them was ever normal. "I just… the last time you did it… I wasn't prepared for it to be the last time and you were gone in the morning and I thought… I thought you'd at least kiss me goodbye…but you didn't."

Liam just stared, one hand still next to Niall's hand to support himself, maybe thinking this through, and then he just leaned down.

It was so much better than anytime before when their lips met, Liam was being careful, but not jerking right back when Niall brought his hand into the nap of his neck to keep him closer. He had no idea how he had managed to go without feeling like this for so long.

They could've fallen right back into it, the moment Liam finally gave up his protest and opened his mouth after Niall begging for entrance, a tiny noise escaped him that got Niall proud. Surely, Liam couldn't have hated this too much then, he kissed back after all, and hard too, not tasting any different than in Niall's memory. Maybe even better.

Just like so many times before, they only pulled apart again when they needed air, Niall's stomach was filled with a million butterflies as he looked at Liam hovering just above him afterwards. Lips red and shiny, breath going hard. The only thing that shouldn't have been there was the guilt written all across the other boy's face. "Go to sleep now."

Was all he said, sounding breathless and quiet, but he still took Niall's hand to remove it from his neck, obviously thinking of just putting it down, but then he changed his mind and kissed it before getting up without another word.

 

—————

 

Waking up was kinda weird at first because it was hotter than usual and somehow, Niall felt a bit uneasy, as if he was being stared at, which was stupid because he had a single room.

So the second he let his eyes flatter open to find himself lying face to face to Liam, Niall blinked one more time because this wasn't rare, sometimes he dreamed about Liam being in his bed and then waking up hurt even more, just this time… oh shit, right. This was real.

"Hey…" Liam didn't sound too angry, even though he would've had every right to be, Niall had behaved like a douchebag last night if he remembered correctly. What had he been thinking anyway, getting high and drunk on the roof top?

"Hi…" Clearing his throat quietly, he had no idea what to do now, should he apologize? Should he lie and tell Liam that everything he had said last night hadn't been true? But what good would that do anyway, he could at least own up to his feelings. "Look… about last night…"

They were sharing a blanket, which was why it was so strangely warm, and there maybe only were fifteen centimeters between their faces, but Niall still flinched slightly when Liam lifted his hand to stroke his cheek. "Did you mean it? What you said when we went back inside, I mean."

"Umm…" Mostly he was hesitating because he felt himself blushing, quickly looking away from Liam's soft, brown eyes before answering. "Yeah…I'm sorry, I should've… told you earlier."

"No, don't apologize, it's okay, Niall. I just wish I would've known, I… I wouldn't have known what to do but…" Well, he couldn't have done anything anyway, Niall was clearly aware of the fact that whatever it was he felt for Liam, it wasn't mutual, plus he was in a relationship. 

"You don't have to do anything anyway… you can't, can you? I mean… yeah it kinda sucks that… you know, it's not that I regret offering my help in the first place, just… if I hadn't done it then you'd be happy with Sophia now and I wouldn't have to think about you every second of the day …" As creepy as it sounded, it was the truth anyway, and yeah, Niall had also offered the sex thing because he had been feeling lonely, but if he hadn't known Liam had been just as desperate as him then he wouldn't have had the guts to.

"I know, that's what I've been thinking about last night after you fell asleep… that our places kinda got swapped from how it's been in the beginning." When Niall dared to lift his eyes again, Liam was the one not looking at him anymore, he was biting his bottom lip too, in a way that got Niall's head spinning. "You helped me through this and… I kinda owe you." 

"You don't owe me, that's not how friendships work. Besides, you helped me too, I hadn't realized how lonely I've really been before we grew so close, I don't even know what I've been thinking that night after we played Croker. Like, sure I was horny and I wanted to help, but…" But that didn't excuse throwing yourself at your best friend, did it? Well, provided Liam was still his best friend, from Niall's side those two words didn't sound very appropriate anymore. "We should just forget it."

"But you're hurting." Looking at it the way it was, one of them always seemed to be hurting, it was just tough luck for Niall that he was the one this time, so he attempted to sit up, not knowing where this was even going.

"I'm gonna survive it, I guess. I mean… what else are we supposed to do?" Liam moved onto his back after Niall had sat up, playing with the blanket in his lap because he was really clueless right now, and sad too, he had missed waking up with Liam so much it hurt.

No one spoke a word for a while, they weren't looking at each other either, just getting lost in their thoughts before Liam took a breath, startling Niall. "Kiss me."

"What?" Had he lost his mind now? It was bad enough that they had kissed last night, they couldn't repeat it, Liam had a girlfriend for crying out loud.

"Kiss me." He had his eyes closed when Niall checked, not even thinking of moving, this was tempting, of course, but he wouldn't do it, he couldn't and besides, he didn't like the reason why Liam was even saying it. Because he felt guilty, not because he wanted to. 

"No. You've got a girlfriend, I don't need your pity, Liam." It came out a bit harsher than intended, but Niall didn't really care, somehow it was appropriate to get mad at Liam for saying such things, he wasn't making it any better like this. 

"It's not pity, I just wanna help you. It's the same reason why you wanted to help me too." Now Liam sat up as well, making Niall turn away because this was getting a bit too much for him, he was close to crying again and once he started, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop again. "Maybe she wouldn't mind, if I told her the reason and if I said it's you, she-"

And when Liam didn't shut up anymore, Niall snapped. "Oh, so you're just gonna go to your girlfriend and ask her if it would be alright if you sometimes fucked your best friend because he was stupid enough to fall in love with you?!" 

Not realizing what he had just said, Niall jumped up without wasting another look on Liam's face, wiping his eyes because his tears had just spilled over, both from anger and complete desperation, he really was clueless now, plus Liam throwing around offers like that made it pretty clear to Niall that he really felt nothing else for him other than friendship. And he probably never would. "Niall, wait. Please."

He did, but only because he needed too long to get the door to open and it got embarrassing when Liam was already right there behind him, obeying as he felt himself being turned around slowly. "What do you want, Liam? Are you insane? Why would you even say stuff like this?" 

This seemed to be the last thing on Liam's mind though, he just took Niall's hand away from his face, taking it upon himself to dry the other boy's cheeks before looking right into his eyes, half whispering. "Are you really in love with me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He tried to sound tough, but while leaning back against the door, Niall cursed himself for admitting it, it just made him look even more pathetic than he already was.

"Okay." That was all Liam said before crushing their lips together, still cupping Niall's face.

It was rougher than last night, Niall managed to resist for exactly five seconds before wrapping his arms around Liam's middle, pressing against him desperately as he parted his lips, moaning when Liam licked into his mouth. 

This was so wrong, the way Liam's hands moved all over his body, giving him shivers because of only being in boxers, both of them actually, yet he still made sure to use the chance and touch back all he wanted, not being able to believe that he was allowed to do this again. But it still felt familiar, Liam's smooth skin under Niall's palms, his defined muscles, his soft hair that Niall had gripped so many times. And god, his lips.

"We should stop…" Niall hardly brought it out because he was panting so much as Liam kissed the corner of his mouth before going down to his neck, biting down gently.

"I don't care." Clearly.

Now that they had started, Niall was hooked, he leaned his head back against the door to give Liam access, allowing him to suck that love bite he seemed so eager on leaving, it felt so good, he nearly broke skin as he desperately clung to Liam's shoulders meanwhile. "Liam… we really-"

"Shh." His wet open mouth kisses ended against Niall's lips, nudging them right open again, just this time, his hands wandered over Niall's bum before suddenly grabbing the back of his thighs, obviously about to lift him up so Niall broke the kiss, as hard as it was.

"No, Liam, this is going too far already, we can't…" His resistance wasn't very hard to break down, just Liam's thumbs stroking his skin softly before pressing their hips together had Niall trembling in anticipation. 

"We already have." Their breath was mixing whenever they spoke, lips brushing because of how close they were standing, Liam kissed Niall one more time before attempting to lift him again. "Jump."

This time he obeyed, just turning off his brain that told him he'd be hurt even worse after this was over, but Liam's arms around him felt so good, he tasted like heaven and their skin brushing was like fireworks for Niall. How'd he be able to ever get over this boy?

Liam carried him back to the bed without a problem, never stopping to kiss him meanwhile, even the fall wasn't hard and coming out of nowhere like Niall expected, Liam lied him down as gently as he could before crawling over him, straddling his waist. They were both getting hard really easily, rubbing off against each other like horny teenagers, Niall's moans sounding too loud as Liam kissed down his neck instead, nothing there to numb him anymore. "I missed you like crazy…"

In the heat of the moment, Niall didn't feel weird anymore for admitting this, he arched his back slightly as Liam's lips wandered down his chest, wrapping around his nipple and sucking gently, his hand finding Niall's free one, linking their fingers together. "I missed you too, Ni. So much." 

Having Liam mouth against his skin felt really intense, his kisses moved down now, tongue flicking out sometimes until he reached the waistline of Niall's boxer shorts, that's when he half sat up again, looking at Niall, as if though he was asking for permission after everything they had done. "It's okay, you can."

Niall got a kiss onto his belly button for that that him giggling unwillingly, making Liam smile briefly before getting rid of the only piece of clothing before continuing to kiss the inside of Niall's thighs, slowly letting go of his hand. "Hey… can we do something I've been thinking about?"

"Yeah…" Anything, really, they could've gone all the way and Niall wouldn't have cared, he was staring down at Liam adoringly, feeling so much love for him that his heart was swelling.

"Okay, turn over." The only downside to this was that they couldn't look at each other anymore, but Niall didn't hesitate, hissing when his more than hard cock came in contact with the bedsheets. "I'm not gonna… you know."

"You could though… if you wanted to…" Niall mumbled into the pillow, hearing some noises behind him, before suddenly, Liam's warm and slightly sweaty chest was pressing against his back, his hard on clearly poking Niall's bum as he kissed his ear before whispering into it.

"If I'm gonna do it then not now, okay? I'd wait for the perfect moment." There was the confirmation, Liam was perfect, now Niall wanted to feel him inside of him even more but he just nodded anyway, hoping something would happen soon or he'd come untouched just from the feeling of Liam pressed up against him. "Tell me if you don't like it then I'll stop."

When he sat up a bit again, Niall folded an arm under his cheek to be able to see what was going on, blushing hard as he realized what Liam was planning on doing. He was straddling his thighs, caressing the small of Niall's back a bit, down to his ass before spreading him open and shifting until his cock is nestled in the crack of Niall's bum and fuck, it was so hot, Niall moved his hips a bit because he couldn't stand waiting anymore now. "Do it, move."

Liam didn't have to be told twice, he moved carefully at first, to test it, both of them watching his dick slide between Niall's cheeks, hissing at the feeling. Niall buried his face back into the pillow, trying to stay quiet, but it was hard once Liam worked up a rhythm, rocking him into the mattress with every move of his hips, building up enough friction on his hard on to get him close to bursting just a few minutes after.

"'m gonna… come…" The pillow muffled his voice, Niall tried to hold back to embrace the feeling a bit longer, Liam's pants filling the air, his movements getting sloppier as he leaned down further, pressing his lips to Niall's shoulder blade hotly, breathing out shakily.

"Yeah…m-me too…" There was a low moan escaping him as Liam came, Niall following close after at the feeling of Liam spilling his load onto his skin and being pressed into the mattress in just the right angle. "Fuck. Wow."

Trying to calm down, Liam moved off of Niall slowly afterwards and onto his side instead, stroking his hand flat across the other's back and up to his hair, moving so close that he could kiss the back of Niall's neck, softly pulling to get him to turn around as well. 

"Nialler… come here, I wanna hold you." Those words alone caused goosebumps to rise all over Niall's arms, he turned onto his side lazily, letting himself be pulled so close into Liam that not even a piece of paper would've fit in between them. "You liked it too, yeah?"

"I like everything we do, Li." Which was true, he smiled briefly, pecking Liam's lips before burying his face in the boy's neck, humming at the feeling of being cuddled up like this, warm fingers brushing the sticky hair away from his forehead. "I'm afraid I got your bed dirty once again."

"I don't mind." Liam just laughed, suddenly nuzzling his nose behind Niall's ear before placing a kiss, then he was gone for a moment, but before Niall could complain, he was back, throwing the blanket over the both of them. "You smell good."

Even though his face was hidden, Niall still blushed a tiny bit at the compliment, he snuggled closer into Liam, immediately being held tighter in return as well. This was so familiar and wonderful, everything was just Liam, he could still taste him in his mouth, feel his lips on his body and those slightly rough hands caressing his skin, brushing through his hair like in this moment. Heaven probably was the only thing better than this. 

"Ni… can I ask something?" Of course, the peaceful mood got interrupted as soon as Liam asked that, even though he was pressing kisses to Niall's temple and cheek afterwards, tangling their legs up under the blanket.

"Yeah…" There was a hell lot they could talk about, just, Niall didn't want to, he was clearly aware that everything Liam had done wasn't because he had just magically fallen in love with him or that he'd just break it off with his girlfriend. Niall would probably just have to settle for taking whatever he could get. 

"Please stop smoking. Or if you do it, stay with Zayn or with me or just anyone else." Oh.

"Okay, I promise." It came easily over his lips because this was a nice surprise considering everything else Liam could've said.

"Thank you." Liam really sounded relieved after that, moving his flat palm between Niall's shoulder blades in circles now, they had never done stuff like that, well, they had cuddled a lot, sure, but Liam was being so sweet and gentle today, plus it was only morning so none of them would sleep in. If Niall pretended for just a bit, put reality aside, maybe he could convince himself that he was the only one for Liam, just for now. Since they had fucked everything up that could be fucked up, he'd have to prepare for this being the last time to ever be with Liam like this, nothing was certain here and it was slightly scaring. But still, better than nothing.

They kept lying in bed like this for a while, talking about not important stuff, never bringing up things like what was going to happen now or whether Liam would really go and tell Sophia, which was really nice, to be tangled up like this, occasionally breaking off the conversation to kiss a while.

When Niall got dressed though to go over to his room and change because they had to be somewhere later, Liam came after him before he opened the door, wrapping his arms around his stomach from behind unexpectedly. "Niall… we can keep doing this, you know. Whenever you want, just let me know, Sophia doesn't need to know."

"I… I'll think about it." There wasn't much to think about because as Niall slowly pulled away to turn around, studying Liam's face for a second, he couldn't help but peck his lips again, kinda addicted to the feeling. "Do you… do you feel bad about it?"

"It doesn't matter, I just want you to be alright, nothing else. You were there for me, I'm there for you, it's easy." Liam's smile was so genuine, Niall would've believed him anything probably, he didn't have much of a choice, did he? Even though he knew this was wrong, it was still Liam's decision whatever he told his girlfriend. Or if he cheated on her. With Niall.

It wasn't easy at all.

 

—————

 

Afterwards, Niall had some trouble dealing with it, he was actually glad that he only saw Liam again an hour later, even if the older one didn't seem guilty or as if he regretted it at all. 

Actually, he was like always around Niall, a bit more touchy, but since the others were there too, he held back, however at night, when Niall had no idea whether Liam's offer was still up and went to go to his own room, Liam came after him. So who was Niall to say no? They had done it already, did it really matter now if they carried on?

So when Sophia came back to join them for a few more days on tour, that's when things got really weird, somehow Liam didn't give a fuck, he usually just dragged Niall along, with whatever excuse he had told his girlfriend, but she never said a word about it or even looked at them in a weird way.

"I should sit somewhere else." Niall finally stated, and yeah, he should have really sat somewhere else, there was enough space on the plane yet he was there next to the window with Liam sat between him and Sophia. She had gone to the bathroom a second ago though, luckily, because her and Liam kissing so close to Niall was like torture, he could've as well lit himself on fire.

"No, I want you to be here." That was the problem, Liam was the one who _wanted_ it, he was the one who made Niall intervene all the time whenever he and Sophia did something, Niall wouldn't have been so keen on being the third wheel all the time. But then again, it was still better than wondering what the two were doing when he wasn't there. 

Liam's eyes were really soft when they met Niall's, a smile playing around his lips as he noticed the tiny blush creeping into Niall's face and he pecked his mouth as if there weren't like twenty other people there. Who were mostly asleep and not paying attention, but still. "Liam, don't, she'll be back in a few minutes."

"Yeah, exactly, minutes. Are you sleepy? You look like you are." He reached out to sort Niall's hair out, touching more than necessary, stroking his fingers over the blonde boy's face afterwards. Hell, if Niall hadn't been tired before, then he was now. "Come here."

"But-"

"What? It's just sleeping, we've done that millions of times." True, but Niall still felt weird as he gave in with a sigh, letting Liam put and arm around him before snuggling into the crook of his shoulder, eyes falling closed. At least this way, Liam couldn't kiss Sophia anymore. "See, that's better."

"Mhm…" It was better, which didn't mean that it was right though but feeling Liam's lips press shortly against the top of his head and then having a hand playing with his hair caused Niall to give up his internal protest. What did it matter anyway, they did so much stuff behind Sophia's back, hell, last night Liam had come to his room after she had fallen asleep and Niall had tried to send him away, shocked somehow, but in the end, of course…

Niall didn't fall asleep, but he was really close, with Liam's cheek leaned against his head, the thumb brushing over his shoulder contently after he had decided to screw it and wrapped his arm loosely around Liam's stomach. "Aw, is he asleep?"

That's definitely not what you would expect Sophia to say when she came back, but she somehow had still done it and Niall tried not to tense up even though Liam didn't move in the slightest, still holding him. "I think so. Where've you been anyway?"

"The bathroom, I told you, you would've heard it if you hadn't been busy with Niall." Even Niall had heard her say it.

"Yeah, sorry." That was all Liam said, his hand on his stomach flinched slightly, making Niall panic for a second and move a bit, making sure to make it seem like his sleep was just uneasy as he held onto Liam's wrist loosely to keep him from holding his girlfriend's hand. If that's what he had even planned on doing, Niall was so jealous nowadays, it wasn't even funny.

"I feel bad for him, he seems really down sometimes, it's weird to watch." Wait. "He doesn't seem like some girl would get to him this much."

"Yeah…but he'll be fine." What the hell were they talking about? Is that what Liam had told her? That Niall needed to be cheered up because some GIRL had fucked him over?

"I hope so. It's cute though, how he comes to you when he's sad, I mean. He's like a puppy." Great. 

"Of course he comes to me, I'm always taking care of him, he's my little brother." EVEN BETTER. How could Liam live with himself if he saw Niall that way?! 

It was so hard to keep a relaxed face after that, because what the hell, it's not like Niall could complain about Liam telling Sophia some lie, that was fine, it's just… could you even get told more clearly that someone had no feelings for you, like, NONE, at all? Probably not.

Even though they luckily stopped talking afterwards, Niall felt really uneasy cuddling into Liam then. He would've gotten up and left if he had had the chance, but as soon as he moved a bit, thinking that maybe he could pretend to 'wake up' from a nightmare and then run over to sit with Harry and Louis instead, Liam tightened his arms around him, kissing the top of his head and mumbling something like 'Shsh, I'm here, babe.'

Maybe Niall could stay for a while, it could've been worse.

 

————

 

"Nialler, wait up." It was the day after Niall, they hadn't really spent time together after getting off of the plane, Niall had stayed in Harry's and Louis' room until one am, watching too romantic movies and trying to figure out why the hell he couldn't have a normal love life as well.

So after not seeing each other for a whole night, Niall wasn't too surprised at hearing Liam coming after him, he slowed down, not turning around though, a bit shocked when a warm hand slipped into his, squeezing softly.

"Hey, you okay?" Liam kissed the side of his head, smiling when Niall looked at him, it was insane how he always managed to be like this, caring and loving, when the situation they had gotten themselves into would've made paranoia and guilt seem more of a appropriate reaction. 

"I'm fine. What about you?" Actually, Niall was on his way to nowhere in particular, down to the pool maybe, but his plans got a bit interrupted now that Liam was here, automatically stopping him as he froze since they were still holding hands.

"Yeah, I'm good too." Then he started grinning all of a sudden, stepping closer towards Niall, limiting the distance between them to only a few centimeters. "I missed you last night."

"Missed you too." Always, he always missed Liam, though it was still not a good idea to be this close to each other in the hallway of a hotel, but when Liam leaned down a bit, brushing his nose against Niall's softly, one hand caressing the small of his back, Niall didn't care so much anymore, eyes flattering closed.

"You wanna come with us and grab some lunch?" Their lips pressed together once, Niall's arms somehow curled around Liam's neck all by themselves as he felt his back meeting the wall. 

"No." The word 'us' had kinda ruined the question, he wasn't keen on hanging out with Sophia again, not today, not even Liam's soft and sweet lips placing kisses all over his face could change that.

"Please?" Liam breathed against Niall's cheek bone, making him shiver slightly, god, why?!

"N-No… I don't want to…" Still, he fisted his fingers into Liam's shirt, sighing as the other boy kissed both of his closed eyelids before nudging his lips open again, one of his hands leaving Niall's waist to cup his cheek instead. 

There was no point for them to do any of this, Liam especially, it was both dangerous plus his girlfriend was somewhere around but since it wasn't Niall's problem really and also because he couldn't bring himself to pull away, he didn't ask, just leaning back against the wall, trying not to moan into Liam's mouth. "Why not? I want you to come."

"Why?" Niall whined because of Liam interrupting their kiss, he caused the other one to chuckle against his mouth, pecking it one more time. 

"'cause I like having you with me." No explanation, sure, they were best friends, but it was Niall who had that silly crush on Liam, not the other way around, so why was Liam so keen on taking him everywhere anyway?

Since Niall didn't know how to talk himself out of it, he stayed silent, pressing his mouth on top of Liam's again, as if to make up for not kissing him properly like this for at least twenty hours. If they hadn't been in the middle of the hallways during the day, maybe Niall would've convinced his bandmate to come back to his room, but as things were now, they couldn't go any further than snogging against a wall, though Liam's hands shamelessly slipped underneath Niall's shirt after a while, going as far as you probably could in public.

"Why am I not surprised?" 

A voice caused them to jump apart in shock, Niall couldn't really go anywhere since there was a wall behind him, not that it could've helped now, their hair was a mess, clothes out of place, swollen lips. Well, and then the obvious, Harry could've been standing there since forever without them noticing. 

"We… um… it's not like…" Yeah, not like what?! Niall's voice got stuck in his throat as he frantically tried to look more normal again, throwing a helpless look at Liam, at least his best friend didn't seem too freaked out anymore after the first shock had passed. Didn't he care at all or something?! 

"Liam, isn't your girlfriend… just three doors down the hall?" Harry didn't seem mad, not that he had a reason to, but he also didn't seem surprised which was what caused Niall to blush even worse and despite the fact that this was embarrassing as hell, he still stepped closer to Liam, out of instinct.

"Look, we… she doesn't know. We… Niall and I talked about this and…" Not even Liam had the words to explain it because well… they didn't even know what was going on themselves and that was the truth. Still, maybe it wasn't a good idea that he reached out for Niall right now, just resting his palm against the small of his back, but it was still calming the blonde down a bit.

"Well, it's not really any of my business, it's just… how long do you guys wanna keep this up? I mean… it's fine, but…" And then he looked at Niall, making it really obvious that he knew why exactly they were doing this, just like Zayn did too, and Louis probably as well, they never asked Niall about it though, but… it probably wasn't very hard to see how far gone he was for Liam. 

"I… I should go to my room." Was all that came to Niall's mind, staring at the floor now, Liam's hand felt like it was burning holes into his shirt, just like the two pairs of eyes on him that he was very aware of. 

"You really… don't wanna come?" Despite what had just happened, despite Harry catching them and hearing every word he spoke, Liam still sounded disappointed that Niall didn't wanna grab lunch lunch with him and Sophia. Why was nothing ever easy with them? 

"I don't think I should…" Niall immediately regretted looking up and meeting Liam's puppy eyes, he quickly blinked a few times, about to wave to Harry and rush off, but he didn't even take as much as a step before Liam had pulled him in, lips nearly brushing his ear. 

"I'll text you, okay? I promise." And maybe it was because Harry had seen them making out hardcore just seconds before, but Liam completely ignored their bandmates presence, pressing his lips to Niall's cheek anyways. God, even that caused him trouble with breathing. 

"O-Okay…" It was hard to walk properly after this, all that was on Niall's mind was getting to his room before Sophia would come and join them as well, at least it hadn't been her who had caught them. Even though… maybe that would've been better, then at least they would've been forced to stop this insanity.

But now, all Niall felt capable of doing was locking his door behind him as soon as he reached his room, not doing anything besides leaning against it and taking a deep breath. Fuck, of course he had known that that his hadn't been a good idea, but Liam was so goddamn convincing and yeah, it made no sense for him to take it this far, kiss Niall in the _hallway_ , touch him nonstop, even in front of Sophia.

Still, this wasn't how it used to be like, this wasn't what Niall wanted and seeing Harry's face before when he had caught them made it pretty clear. They couldn't carry on like this behind everyone's back.

Liam didn't love Niall. He never would, he was just doing this… because of whatever reason, but they couldn't carry on forever and the only one getting hurt in the end would be Niall. The longer this went on, the more broken he would be. They'd have to end this, forever this time.

He'd never get Liam for himself, maybe he should finally get it into his head.

"Nialler? Can we talk?" It was obviously Harry who was knocking on the door, right next to Niall's ear. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do right now, but at least he hadn't started crying yet so maybe he should get it over with while he was still able to bring out a full sentence.

Niall quickly ran a hand through his hair before pushing away from the door, locking up without another word, kinda tired now. "Do we have to?"

"I'm afraid so." At least Harry's face was soft, he also didn't look as if he would start scolding Niall which was the only reason why he stepped back and let his bandmate enter, leaving it up to him to lock the door. "So what's going on, Ni? I thought you stopped… y'know."

"Well, we have, but…" This time it didn't feel as wrong to talk about it without Liam's permission as it had before, not that things could have gotten any worse now, besides, it's not like Harry would go and tell Sophia. "But we kinda started again. Like… a week ago. Or more, I can't remember."

"Why?" A good fucking question.

Niall just shrugged before falling into his bed, burying his face into the pillow and immediately regretting it, everything in here smelled like Liam. "I don't know…"

The mattress moved when Harry sat down, not saying anything for a bit, making Niall nervous about what was to follow. It really made him miss the time when Louis first brought this topic up, how easy everything had been back then, no Sophia, just him and Liam. "He looked pretty devastated before leaving."

"Well, he's cheating on his girlfriend." That was the easiest explanation, though it probably wasn't true, but Niall didn't know what else to say, he turned onto his back again, feeling Harry's eyes on his face.

"That's not what he seemed to be thinking about though. Niall… you know, at first I really thought you're just friends … having fun and stuff, but… Liam's not single anymore and …" But they were still fucking around, maybe Harry should've just named it, it's not like he hadn't guessed it already, Niall was clearly aware of that.

"I just… " Then Niall sat up as well, staring into his lap while picking at the skin on his thumb, feeling a bit reckless as he realized that there was no reason at all to lie. "Look, I just wanted to help Liam at first, and yeah, I was kinda horny and lonely too so it made it pretty easy. And two months is a long time, right? There were no feelings, it really was just that but then… then suddenly Sophia came back out of nowhere, I wasn't prepared for it and I… I missed Liam and I told him eventually because I was kinda high on the roof top and-"

"You were-"

"Let me finish, okay?" Harry's eyes were still a bit widened but he nodded anyway, making Niall sigh and look away again, at the wall this time. "So I told him. And I might have told him that I… like him a lot and we kissed because I was being a pain in the ass. But then the next morning Liam talked about how he owed me, how he didn't wanna see me so depressed and that he wanted to help me just like I had helped him. So now we're here." 

"That's fucked up, wow. He's just sleeping with you whenever Sophia isn't around?" Niall glared at his bandmate for making it sound so cheap, but it was true anyway, so he gave him half a shrug, nodding.

"Yeah. I don't even know why he would actually, but he does, he's always dragging me along with them now and I fucking hate seeing them together, but… I can't seem to say no. I mean… I like him after all, I'm just happy he's paying attention to me at all when she's there I guess, as stupid as it sounds…" Admitting to having feelings for Liam wasn't even the worst part for Niall, just saying it all in general, hearing how stupid all of this must've sounded to somebody else almost made him tear up, but he was pathetic enough already, he couldn't start crying. "But I can't do it anymore… it's wrong and… it's not like he'll ever like me back, we might as well just end it now, before we get in even deeper. If… that's even possible."

"Ni… " That's when they finally looked at each other, Harry pitied Niall so much that it showed in his eyes, nearly making the blonde boy angry, he wasn't here to get babied or anything, even though it didn't matter anyway, nothing really did. "You _really_ gotta end this, but for final this time."

"I know, but… what if I can't do it?" Maybe he seemed convinced now, but the second he'd look at Liam, feel him this close again, remember how it felt like to kiss him, he'd pull out and he knew it. Being second choice was still better than being nothing.

"No, Niall, you have to." Harry sounded a lot firmer all of a sudden, moving closer to Niall, as if that would help, he even reached out for his hand, pulling back the second Niall flinched. "We've all noticed that something's up with you, you're not yourself anymore. If you keep doing this for any longer it's gonna break you."

"It already has." Niall thought, then a second later, he realized he had said that out loud, tears building up in his eyes again, just this time, he didn't bother holding them back. "Harry, I can't do it… I-I don't w-wanna lose h-him." 

"Hey, sh, it's okay, calm down, Ni, we-"

"No, I'm serious! I can't fucking do this, Haz! I really like him, okay, I… fuck! Why did this have to happen?! Why me?! It's not fair! I was just trying to help!" Maybe screaming around was no solution but it just came out of Niall like that, he didn't bother wiping his tears, jumping up to walk up and down, brushing off every one of Harry's attempts to calm him down. Why would he calm down anyway? Not like that was gonna make Liam fall in love with him.

In fact, Niall screamed around for ten more minutes, about everything, he even almost punched the TV which was when Harry just pulled him into a hug, not letting him go until Niall put his arms around the other boy as well, crying into his shoulder instead.

They stayed in his room, the whole day long, not even talking about Liam that much, but rather avoiding that topic on purpose. Louis came too after a while, not asking about Niall's red skimmed eyes or why the hell he was clutching some sweater to his chest that wasn't even his. It was Liam's actually, Liam, that stupid, wonderful idiot. God, Niall hated him so much but at the same time, he was pretty sure he had never fallen that hard for anyone before.

 

—————

 

_Liam 09:59 pm_

_come over?_

 

Niall just stared at his phone, for ten minutes probably, fighting hard with himself about what to do.

Ever since Louis and Harry had left, he had just been lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out how this should go on. He couldn't keep on doing this, the only problem was, he also couldn't seem to go on without, he had tried that before and he had nearly lost his mind.

Fact was, he had to talk to Liam about it, and NOT make out with him this time and turn his brain off because of how good Liam looked and how much of a great kisser he was and how his hands felt on Niall's… right, focus.

He quickly changed his clothes, looking into the mirror once, just to check whether it didn't look anymore like he had been sobbing and punching a pillow or something, which he hadn't. It had been the wall, a very bad, and also painful, decision.

Niall took his time going over, just knocking lightly, trying to think of how he could start this conversation, playing around with some words in his head, which was more than unnecessary, because as soon as the door opened and he saw Liam's smile, his still styled hair and loose sweatpants, he forgot all of them. "Hey, babe."

"Hi…" Before he could say anything else, Liam had already pulled him into the room, pecking Niall's lips before pulling him into a tight hug that Niall returned without thinking, burying his head in the other boy's shoulder. "Where's Sophia?"

"In the bathroom." WHAT?!

"She's HERE? And you told me to come over, have you lost your-"

"Sh, sh! Not so loud, Ni." Liam had the nerve to chuckle, not letting go of Niall as he tried to pull away in shock, but he couldn't because Liam was way stronger than him, keeping him pressed against is warm chest. "She always takes forever, don't worry. I just wanted to see you."

"Why?" There was a lump in Niall's throat now as he settled back into the hug, lightly kissing Liam's neck against every promise he had made himself, just… it was so hard to resist.

"What do you mean, why? I missed you and I haven't seen you in hours." Considering the fact that they were only doing this because Niall was deeply in love with Liam and depressed as hell, that answer seemed to be coming out of the wrong mouth, not that Niall would complain. Maybe Liam was just trying to make him feel better. "Besides… we haven't talked about, um… before."

"Yeah, we… we really gotta talk." This time, Liam allowed him to pull back, keeping his hands stroking up and down Niall's side though, kissing his cheek gently. Nothing would ever be as hard as this. "Liam…"

"What's wrong?" His mood changed immediately, the smile fading as Niall desperately tried not to pull too hard on the hair in the back of Liam's neck, trying to look anywhere but into the boy's face. Which was hard considering it was right in front of him.

"I… I gotta tell you something and… actually, I… I don't think we should, um… keep doing this." As soon as it was out, Niall felt the urge to kiss Liam's soft lips, but he held back, because that would've been more than inappropriate. 

"What do you mean?" Liam frowned, not letting go of Niall though, suddenly, his voice sounded kinda panicked. "Don't you like me anymore?"

"I… wait, what?" How could he come to THAT conclusion? And even if he had been right, why'd he be worried about it? He didn't enjoy Niall crushing on him, did he? 

"I was just… assuming, sorry." Niall shook his head once, as to get rid of his thoughts because he was really confused right now, slowly letting his arms slip from around Liam's shoulders, trying not to think about how devastated his bandmate looked at him.

"I do like you Liam, so much, I always do… which is why I can't do it anymore. Look… it's… it's one thing for us to have some fun when we're both single… but it's another if we're doing it behind your girlfriend's back. Also… it hurts, you know… watching you with her and… I don't know. We can't keep doing this forever and… it'll be worse the later we stop." They had completely let go of each other, Niall was biting his lip nervously, playing with his finger as he waited for an answer. Maybe even get yelled at, who knows, Liam would have every right to, Niall was so goddamn stupid.

"Ni…" Liam's hands wrapped around his carefully, automatically making him look up but regretting it instantly, it seemed like he wasn't the only one who took this to heart. "I'm sorry, babe. I really am, I… if I could, I'd do anything to make you feel better. I never wanted this to happen, Nialler, I wish… I wish it was you I was in love with instead of her. I really do."

Hearing this was even worse, like, it sounded so final, as if it was something that could impossibly happen, not in a billion years could Liam Payne ever fall in love with Niall. Of course not, why would he anyway, right, all he felt for him was probably pity. "Don't say that…"

"It's true though." Since Niall had looked down, watching Liam's hands around his, even though he didn't return the squeeze at all, he couldn't tell if Liam really looked as desperate as he sounded, not that he'd have any reason to. "I really wish I could make you happy, Ni. That's all I was trying to do, you're my best friend and it kills me to know you're hurting. And to know it's my fault, I'd do anything to make up for it and make you feel better. Anything."

Niall's tears were seconds before spilling over, the breath he released sounded really shaky as he blinked while looking up at Liam, feeling a bit overdramatic for what he was about to ask, but he just couldn't leave without doing it either. "Then kiss me again?"

Without another word being said, Liam just let go of Niall's hands to cup his face instead, crashing their lips together not a second later and deepening the kiss immediately. It wasn't too gentle, but that wasn't what Niall wanted right now anyway as he desperately clung to Liam, he just wanted to feel him, trying to make himself understand that this was the last time he'd do this. Like, ever.

The kiss got needy from both sides, especially after Niall couldn't swallow yet another sob down after his tears had spilled over and Liam got a bit more aggressive, as if to calm him down, which didn't work of course. 

After they broke apart for air, Niall's sight had gotten too blurry as to properly look at Liam, he didn't even try to blink it away, just letting go and turning around to go for the door, not wanting to make this more painful than it already was. He wasn't one for goodbyes really, it wasn't even one, they'd be stuck together for the next three months at least. Perfect, really.

Already halfway down the hall to his room, trying desperately to keep the sobs in now so no one would hear, already regretting what had just happened even though he knew that it had been the right thing to do. Liam seemed to think likewise.

"Niall, wait!" He seriously came running after him, grabbing Niall's arm then, attempting to turn him around, voice sounding desperate and tight, as if he had been crying as well. "You're still my best friend, and I'm always gonna be here, always, if you change your mind and-"

"No, Liam! Don't you get it?! I don't wanna do it anymore, alright?" Niall violently pulled his arm away, angrily wiping over his eyes once, bringing a few steps between them before turning around, nearly mad at Liam for tearing up as well, what did HE have to cry about?! "Just go back to your girlfriend, and forget about it all, it never happened, alright? None of it."

"Niall…" God this was so hard, Liam sounded so hurt and on one hand, Niall just wanted to go over and hug him again, but if he did, he'd just get sucked in again, so instead, he took another step back, shaking his head slowly, preparing to say something he had hardly been brave enough to think.

"I love you, Liam." He did, he really did and he could finally say it out loud, now that everything had gone to waste. "I just can't do this anymore."

 

 

———— 3 months later ————

 

Niall didn't exactly know how it had gotten to this, or why he was sitting in that uncomfortable plastic chair after postponing it for days. He was a bad friend, not only that but also a horrible bandmate, visiting someone so close to you in hospital should be common sense, right? It should make you put aside whatever conflict you've had had, or whatever background story there was to it.

Even after you hadn't really spoken to that person in months. 

In a way, they hadn't even looked at each other properly for what seemed like forever, maybe accidentally a few times, when Niall hadn't been able to hide his longing stares at Liam, or when he had watched him without noticing because it had become his habit ever since the beginning of tour.

But it was over now, they were back home, since two weeks actually, and Niall hadn't really done much during that time, he had been thinking a lot without ever coming to a conclusion, and he had also ignored a lot of messages and calls, not really wanting to meet his friends or family now that he actually had time again.

And right now, he wasn't really sure whether he even wanted to be here either, to see the boy he was still in love with, his best friend that probably hated Niall like crazy in this moment. He'd have every right to.

When the door opened, he didn't look up immediately, just leaning back first of all, closing his eyes. "So you made it."

It was Liam's sister, Ruth, Niall knew her by her voice because when he had finally grown some balls yesterday and called what he had thought was either the number of Liam's mum or dad, it was her who had picked up. Not that it mattered. "Yeah…how's he doing?"

"Ah, you know how terrible his jokes are, don't you? Let's just say, I wouldn't have been too sad if I didn't have to hear them all day long. So short, he's fine." Niall slowly opened his eyes to look at her, laughing quietly as she sat down next to him. Luckily, none of Liam's sisters really looked anything like him, that was good because Niall's hand were already getting sweaty thinking about going in there. 

"Did you tell him that I called you?" It wasn't exactly a secret that Liam was in hospital, and even though Niall had only heard about it a day later from Louis, it had still happened five days ago already. 

"No, I figured if you would've wanted him to know you would've just called him instead." Thank god, Niall nearly thanked Ruth, but before he could say anything, her face got a bit more serious. "Look, I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I know for sure that you mean a lot to my brother. He's been talking about you a lot."

"When?" Niall's heartbeat got a bit unsteady at this, he rubbed his hands over his face to hide his blush, maybe also to have something to do because as soon as Ruth would leave, he'd have to get up.

"Ever since you guys were on tour in Europe, but last night actually, when he showed me and my mum some pictures, there were a lot of you. He tried to skip them and it got really awkward afterwards, so… if you're scared of going inside, he'd probably freak out just as much if he knew you're sitting here." Unlikely, but it gave Niall some hope, that maybe he wouldn't get yelled at, even if he would've deserved it.

"So, there's no things in his room that could be thrown after me, right?" It was supposed to be a joke and Ruth really did laugh for a second even though Niall had actually been serious, swallowing a little when he saw her getting up.

"His right hand doesn't work so good, maybe you'll get away with a scratch." Maybe it was Niall's face getting pale all of a sudden that made Ruth talk on, rolling her eyes a bit. "I'm joking. He's not mad at you, Niall, I think it'll make him really happy to see you actually. Don't wait too long before going in, okay? I gotta go."

"Alright… bye. And thanks." Niall got a smile that was probably intended to be comfortable even though it didn't help at all. He wasn't really sure if Ruth would tell him the truth, but she was Liam's sister after all, why'd she lie anyway?

It took him ten more minutes before Niall managed to stand up, not being able to postpone it any longer, if he didn't do it now then he could as well just drive back home, something he'd never forgive himself for. If it was him in hospital right now and Liam wouldn't have come to see him he'd probably be suicidal, even if that was different, because Liam meant so much more to him than the other way around, but still.

He knocked twice, shortly, not waiting for an answer before just pressing the handle down. Not everyone was allowed in this tract of the hospital anyway so he couldn't really surprise Liam that much, besides, crazy fans that had somehow figured out where he was wouldn't have knocked to begin with.

It was a big room, not that Niall had expected anything else, but it took a few seconds before his eyes came to a rest on Liam, whose facial expression kinda froze when he saw Niall.

His right hand was in cast, like Ruth had said, plus, he had a few scratches in his face, a few bandages here and there, but all in all, Liam didn't look too bad, far from dying, something Niall had thought the first time he had heard about it. Plus, Liam was in bed, but he was wearing a normal shirt and sweatpants, just casually typing on his phone. Well, he had before Niall had disturbed him.

"Um… Hey." Niall finally brought out, slowly closing the door behind him, painfully aware of how silent it was in here, even if the window was tilted. "I just… thought I'd drop by and… yeah."

Even though Niall wanted to slap himself for saying this, slowly crossing the room, there was a small smile appearing on Liam's lips that gave him a tad more confidence as he stopped a few meters away from the bed, awkwardly standing there. "Yeah, I see that. You can also sit down if you want to."

"Thanks, um…" Of course, Niall nearly tripped as he attempted to sit in the chair that Ruth had probably placed there before, blushing hard, but at least he was pretty sure that he had almost made Liam laugh. "So…how's it going?" 

"Better, I guess, I think they'll let me go home again soon." Liam smiled, a true smile, one that forced Niall to quickly look away from that gorgeous face he hadn't seen in what felt like forever. Two weeks, to be exact, if you don't count staring at pictures and stalking twitter. "How are you?"

"'m good… still tired, maybe. I suck at dealing with jet leg." Terrible, Niall was fucking terrible at small talk, he was fiddling his thumbs now, trying to think of any other topic they could talk about without it getting awkward. Sure, they'd probably have to talk about it some time, but… that could wait.

"Yeah, I know." Right, Liam still knew him better than any other person, he tended to forget about that lately. "Have you seen your family yet?"

"Not really, I… I've just been home, not doing much. Don't feel like getting on a plane again any time soon is all… " They shouldn't have been talking about Niall when Liam was the one with a maybe broken wrist and bruises and lying in hospital, if this had happened before their tour, Niall would've freaked the hell out, he would've been here all day long, every day, bringing Liam food and shit he didn't even need and lie next to him in bed to make him feel better. He still wanted to do all of those things, but he hadn't even been brave enough to bring Liam some of his favorite cookies. Maybe he didn't even like those cookies anymore though, maybe Niall didn't know him at all anymore, a lot could happen in 3 months.

"Yeah, same for me. Maybe also cars." There was a strangled laugh that made Niall look up to see Liam blushing a bit, obviously regretting that he had added the last part and Niall started to feel even worse. "Anyway…"

He didn't know how exactly the accident had happened, all he knew was that it had been in fact, a car accident, but he had no idea under what circumstances or whatever. And he'd probably never find out because he was too shy to ask. "Hm…"

They fell into a very uncomfortable silence for a while now that all the polite things had been said, both of them looking anywhere but into each other's faces or even near. Liam actually stared out the window after a while, not moving half as much as Niall, who was constantly shifting in his chair, frantically trying to find something to say but somehow he had forgotten how to even start a normal sentence.

There were some drawings on Liam's cast, probably from Zayn, something that made Niall's stomach drop. To think about that all of the boys had been here, maybe all together, visiting Liam, maybe laughing with him because they were still allowed to call him and text him and hug him whenever they wanted to, it was killing Niall.

Not only since now, it had been killing him for the past three months, but he had never said a word or done anything to change the fact that him and Liam had become like strangers around each other. Even though they were anything but that, Liam had tried a few times, start a normal conversation, get back on a friendly level. It had been Niall who had pushed him away, just wanting to forget it all, erase it from his mind. He hadn't managed to do it, sometimes, even if he'd never tell anybody, he still woke up some days thinking Liam was in bed next to him.

"We broke up." Liam suddenly broke the silence, making Niall blink a few times before looking at his bandmate who was still just staring out the window, shaking his head slowly. "Well actually, I broke up with her."

"Oh… I'm sorry, Liam… when?" Niall truly was sorry, he knew how much Liam loved Sophia, or had, a few months ago, hell, because of that they had even gotten into this mess.

"Five days ago. But actually… I've been wanting to do it for much longer I think." Five days ago… that would make it the day of Liam's accident, but Niall stayed quiet, trying hard not to burst out with a million questions. "I told her."

There was no need to ask what he was talking about, Niall closed his eyes at the flashbacks rushing through him. Not that he wasn't used to them by now. "What'd she say?"

"Nothing. She wasn't even that surprised, she said it didn't matter, that she wasn't mad at me or anything. But I was mad." Why wouldn't she care? Niall would have ripped Liam's head off if they had been dating and… alright, no. "I was mad because I thought she'd break up with me after hearing it, but she didn't and then I had to do it myself."

That confession made Niall open his eyes, hearing Liam talk like this was pretty unexpected, he wouldn't have thought they'd last for such little time only, they had always seemed so perfect for each other. "Why?"

Liam shrugged, looking at his lap, not returning Niall's look. "I don't think I've been in love with her anymore, for a month maybe. So then we fought, because I told her that too, and she threw me out of her flat. Understandably, and I was really angry, at her, at myself, just everyone, I shouldn't have gotten in my car maybe, but I still did. I didn't pay enough attention and… yeah. I don't think I'll drive myself anywhere so soon again."

So it had been Liam's fault, that made Niall sit up more straight, he knew how much of a careful driver Liam was so he would've never even guessed that. Somehow the look on the other boy's face nearly made him reach out to place a hand on his arm. Then he remembered that he wasn't allowed to. "Don't say that, Liam, if you stop driving now then maybe you'll always be scared of it for the rest of your life. You're a good driver, I've seen it, the only time you ever got me clinging to my seat was when you drove me home that one time and we came to that stupid corner where you can never really see whether there's another car coming or not."

It had been meant to be a joke, to brighten the mood a tiny bit, but Liam suddenly turned his head, his eyes meeting Niall's as he took a breath. "Yeah, I know… it was that corner, Niall."

"But… why…" That would mean that… Liam had either really not cared about where he was driving to because Sophia lived far away from Niall, or he…had driven there on purpose.

The way Liam's cheek turned red as he quickly fixed some point over Niall's head was answer enough. "I don't know what I've been thinking, really… I just… I somehow thought it'd be a good idea to just show up on your doorstep. Like, I couldn't take losing both of you, you know and… other than her, you're always gonna stay a part of me, you're always gonna be in my life. And I'm glad about that. Still, I don't know why I thought you'd forgive me just because I broke it off with Sophia, I was just… not thinking. You're the only one I told that though, no one knows what really happened, that the accident was my fault. Well, the other driver does, but…"

Niall was speechless, he leaned back, trying to think about what he would have done if Liam would've shown up on his doorstep five days ago, telling him that he and Sophia were over, something Niall had secretly prayed for for months. And now, he didn't even know what to think about it. Or how to interpret Liam's words, there was just one thing he wanted to ask. "What would I have to forgive you for?"

"Well… it's my fault that you haven't been feeling good and I really hope you're better now, but that doesn't change the fact that it was because of me." No, Niall wasn't feeling better, not in the slightest way, hell, he still loved Liam so much his heart was aching because of the distance between them, even now, he wasn't sure if it would ever fully go away.

"None of it was your fault, it was mine, I started it, remember?" It felt like they had talked about this a million times already, which probably wasn't true, but it still caused all the old feelings to bubble up in Niall again, he pulled his legs on the chair, hugging them to his chest. "It's not your fault I fell in love with you somewhere along the way."

"I could've pulled myself together, then maybe you wouldn't have felt like you needed to be there for me in such ways." Talking about it now, six months later, didn't do anything, they both knew that actually, Liam wanted to ask a completely different question, one that just thinking about answering made Niall look away. "So are you?"

"What?" This was uncalled for, he wouldn't just straight out ask about _it_ , would he?

"Feeling better, I mean." Oh.

For a second or two, Niall considered saying yes, he was feeling better in some ways, but maybe it was just a different kind of bad now, so he shrugged, knowing that Liam was not really talking about his well being in general. "Not… really."

"Me neither." They looked at each other, kinda accidentally, Niall was pretty sure that Liam could see the longing look in his eyes, but it was still not him who bursted out with his thoughts. "I miss you. I miss you every day, even when you were in the same room when we were still on tour. And I'd gladly crack my other wrist too if that meant everything could be like it used to be."

Of course he wasn't talking about the before that Niall thought of for a second, mentally scolding himself for still having THAT creeping around in his mind, but Liam's words woke up some butterflies in his tummy. "I was kinda hoping you'd say that, I … I wasn't quite sure if we're even friends anymore…"

"We're always friends, Niall. No matter how much time passes by." Niall felt his heart melting at seeing Liam's warm smile and his face going soft as he shifted on his bed. "You know… my sister told me those chairs are really uncomfortable."

"Yeah… I can confirm that. They've got the same outside your room too and I sat on that one for an hour before." Liam's eyes went a bit wider at that, so Niall decided to use the chance and get up to do what Liam had obviously been trying to tell him to, he just sat on the edge of the bed first of all though, not wanting to take it too far. "I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, I should've come the day it happened."

"It's okay, Ni. Actually, I'm glad that you didn't because I've been told that the pain killers have made me say some weird things and Louis would've filmed it if the nurse hadn't yelled at him to turn his phone off." They both laughed shortly, Niall getting a bit braver and sliding back onto the bed until his back hit the window ledge, letting his feet hang over the edge to not get anything dirty with his shoes.

"Can I see your hand?" Niall was dying to write something on Liam's cast too, he didn't say that though, satisfied for the moment when Liam smiled before moving to sit next to him, holding his hand out and Niall took it, very carefully though, examining it a bit. "Did Zayn draw that?"

"Yeah. Well, all of the boys drew on it, but…" Then he hesitated, looking away as Niall checked his face, feeling tingly in his fingertips from accidentally brushing Liam's skin. "I saved you a spot."

"You did?" Maybe it got Niall a bit too excited as he turned Liam's hand gently to look for a blank spot, and really, there was one on the underside near the inside of his wrist. "Got a pen?"

"Wait." Liam laughed, probably because of Niall being this eager, but he didn't care, like, it felt really essential now to draw something on Liam's cast. Something he'd be forced to stare at and be reminded of Niall. "Here."

When Liam got the pen from his nightstand, handing it to Niall and moving the air a bit too much, making him freeze for a second as he smelled his familiar cologne, Niall suddenly he realized he didn't even know what to write on it. Should he just put his name? But that would be uncreative as hell, he'd have to beat the others.

Niall's hand was shaking a bit, telling Liam not to look and making him chuckle once more before just drawing what had been the first thing to come to his mind, trying not think of what Liam would think about it. "Okay done." 

"I hope for you it's nothing inappropriate, I mean, it's just cracked and I'll get it off soon, but I'm gonna have to go out into public like this." Well, it was far from that actually, Niall just shrugged, trying to be cool when in reality he was trying hard not to watch Liam's face as he turned his hand around to see what Niall had done. "Oh… that's not inappropriate."

Niall had drawn a heart, a nice one, well, the best he could draw, which wasn't very good, but he felt like that was the only thing that would fit. After all, Niall's heart belonged to Liam anyways, he felt pretty cheesy for thinking this, so he hoped Liam would just interpret it in another way.

Since Niall was too embarrassed to turn his head, he nearly jumped at getting kissed on the cheek out of nowhere, suddenly very well aware of how close they had been sitting, their thighs and arms almost brushing. His face was on fire from feeling those still familiar lips, Liam's scruff slightly scratching against his skin. "Thank you. It's way nicer than what the others have done."

"You're welcome…" Niall mumbled, playing with the pen in his hands, not knowing what else to say now, maybe he shouldn't have done that, it was kinda dumb now that he thought about like, he didn't have to run around constantly reminding Liam of how much he liked him, it's not like the other boy didn't know.

But it was Liam then who moved again after a few seconds, making it seem casual as he dropped his hands in his lap, shifting and automatically erasing the tiny distance between them, his fingers brushing up against Niall's elbow, as if he hadn't even intended to. They still weren't looking at each other. "How long do you have time to stay?"

"Um… for as long as you want me to I guess." Since he hadn't planned on this to go so well, Niall hadn't thought about this before, now that they kinda had made up again, he wouldn't have minded never leaving Liam's side ever again.

"Good, it's boring as hell here. And there aren't even visitor times, so theoretically… you could spend the night." Was that an offer? But… there was no couch, nothing, just this bed that clearly was for one person, Liam couldn't be keen on that, could he? Even though they had done this a lot, even before… it had happened.

"I got nowhere to be." Feeling braver after this, Niall let his head drop onto Liam's shoulder, nearly sighing contently at feeling.

In return, Liam put his hand on Niall's arm for real, caressing it with his thumb slowly, not freezing at all because of Niall leaning into his side. This felt so good, after having to go without Liam for so long, never hugging him or having his arms around him, it had been Niall's personal hell. "I missed that too. You really are the best option to cuddle with, just like you always say."

"Everything I say is true, Liam, you should know that by now." He was kinda joking, maybe a little because he wanted to hear Liam giggle, but it also made him happy because the feeling was mutual, there was no person he'd rather wanted to cuddle up to than Liam.

"Yeah, sorry, you're right, babe." God, Liam calling him that felt so good, Niall felt like coming here had been the best decision of his life or something, how could he have been afraid? Of Liam THROWING stuff after him, he'd never do that, he was for sure the sweetest guy alive.

This time when they didn't speak, it wasn't uncomfortable anymore, Niall closed his eyes as he felt Liam's cheek resting against his head, putting his hand on top of the fingers still stroking his arm. "Hey, Li..."

"Yeah?" Liam briefly kissed the top of Niall's head, making him shiver at feeling him breathe out into his hair.

"You think… you think you're ever gonna give Sophia another chance?" No idea why Niall asked that, he just kinda wanted to know, whether this had just been some fight between them and if Liam would change his mind again. Sure, he'd probably date someone else one day, but pretty much everyone would be better than Sophia. Not because Niall hated her in particular, just because seeing her reminded him of everything hat had happened, plus he felt guilty too, because of what they had been doing behind her back.

"No, I won't. I … " Then he just stopped talking, lifting his head and making Niall open his eyes in confusion, thinking that maybe he had hit a soft spot asking this, but as he checked Liam's face, his breath hitched at how close it was to his, blushing underneath Liam's stare. "I wanted to talk about… something with you, actually. I mean, the day I broke up with her and when I drove over to your house. Well, attempted to."

"About what?" Niall literally had no idea, he thought about leaning away, but then he enjoyed Liam's breath mixing with his too much and feeling him so close, breathing in his scent quietly.

A very shaky laugh escaped the other, but he was serious again just one second later, licking his lips as thought he was nervous, his eyes flickering down to Niall's just barely noticeable. No, he wouldn't, he couldn't mean…

There was the familiar feeling bubbling up in Niall's stomach when Liam leaned in like he had done so many times before, he was craving this so much it was almost ridiculous how badly he missed kissing Liam, how much he wanted to do it, just one more time. But if he gave in now, it wouldn't stay at just this and they both knew that all too well.

So inches before their lips would meet, already feeling Liam's ghosting over his, Niall pulled himself together, leaning back a few centimeters, one hand on Liam's chest just to stop him, trying to sound firm. "No. No, we can't, not again."

"I'm sorry, I… I wasn't thinking, I just…" Liam didn't seem guilty at all actually, he sighed before getting into a somewhat appropriate distance again, wrapping his hand over Niall's, a desperate look on his face.

And Niall, well, he suddenly felt anger boiling in his stomach, like, he wasn't some whore you could just come back to fuck whenever you felt like it. "Why the hell would you think I'd wanna start all over again, Liam? Did you really wanna come over, minutes after you broke up with her to ask me THAT?"

"No! No, that's not… that wasn't what I wanted to talk about with you at all actually." Just because none of this made any sense, Niall didn't jump up like he had wanted to, even allowing Liam to keep on holding his hand, what the hell was going on here, couldn't they even be friends anymore without it turning into something more? "Look… you… you still like me, don't you?"

Somehow Liam's hopeful voice dragged Niall down, he looked away from the other boy quickly, it wasn't really fair that Liam clearly showed how much he enjoyed the fact that Niall was in love with him, it wasn't nice at all, it was just really cruel, but he shrugged anyway. "Yeah… why? Do you think it's funny that I have to suffer because of it?"

"Niall, no, of course not. I just… I thought we could… umm… try it again, you know. I mean… be serious about it this time." Wait…

"What? I don't need you to pretend that you like me, Liam, I-"

"No, I'm not pretending to, Niall, I do. I do like you too." It was like dropping a bomb, that's how fucking shocked Niall was to hear those words out of his bandmate's mouth, his jaw dropping as he turned his head to look at Liam, just to see if he was joking about it. It didn't seem like it. 

"When exactly… did you come to that conclusion?!" This couldn't be true, no, Liam was just feeling bad for him, he felt guilty because Niall still liked him after all this time, he couldn't fall for it and get hurt even worse.

"Well… " It was Liam this time who looked away, turning his hand to intertwine Niall's fingers with his now while the other boy just blankly stare at his profile. "Not immediately, just… you know, I never wanted to admit it to myself but I always liked what we were doing more than what I had with her."

"Wait, wait. You were doing this simply because you liked the sex?! Not because you wanted to help me like you said? You LIED?!" What the fuck, Niall would've probably punched Liam if he hadn't been so completely shocked, but he just sat there, freezing on the spot as Liam looked up in panic, immediately shaking his head.

"No, what the hell? Of course not, Ni. I meant that I liked all of it better, yeah, I liked the sex too, but I also liked holding your hand and watching you fall asleep in my arms and taking showers with you and waking up next to you. I liked all of it, more than I should have. And when you were gone, I… I suddenly realized that it's true, you really don't appreciate things until you've lost them." There were tears building up in Niall's eyes, he was so fucking angry like, he didn't even know why, maybe because what Liam was saying sounded too good to be true. Which was why it was probably made up.

"Don't. Don't say those things if you don't mean them…" It hurt, maybe even worse than before, if that was any possible, Niall just wanted to leave the room, but he couldn't even seem to draw his eyes away from the other boy.

"I mean them, Ni, I wouldn't lie to you. The last month was just… me trying to find the right words to break up, I guess. I nearly said your name while… you know." Liam blushed a bit about confessing that, squeezing Niall's hand more tightly, obviously not caring that there was nothing coming back. He sounded really honest, but he had had enough time to come up with that, so… "Niall, I'd understand if you don't believe me, but it's the truth. Do you really think I'd hurt you this much on pure purpose?"

"I… I don't know…" They couldn't do this, hell, something was wrong with them, both of them, Liam really had some decision issues and Niall was a fucking idiot for even considering to give it a try. It's just, god, he loved Liam so much, he wanted nothing else than to be with him, this was all he had ever hoped to hear, yet still… "Liam, I don't… I can't do this, you know. I love you, but I gotta think about myself too and I'm not sure if I can survive another disappointment."

"What if I prove it to you?" It's like he hadn't even listened to a word Niall had just said, there was sparkling in Liam's eyes now, as if he was 100% sure he'd be able to convince the other boy.

"I don't think I need you to-"

"No, I'm serious. I wanna be with you and I'll show you that I really mean it, that I've thought this through, because I have. I've made my decision this time, and I don't plan on changing my mind again." Why was this so tempting?! Why did it get Niall's heart flattering, just the thought of Liam _maybe_ liking him back?

"How?" He whispered against everything he had promised himself , making Liam smile slightly as he pulled the other boy a bit closer, as if he had already agreed.

"By doing it in the right order this time. I'm not gonna try and do anything, I promise, only if you want it. We can take it slow, you know, we don't have to do anything at all, I just wanna be with you." Fuck, those butterflies were going to kill Niall, he finally squeezed Liam's hand back, unintentionally leaning in closer, desperate for this to be true. Liam wasn't that kinda guy to fuck him over, he was always making sure everyone was alright, always taking care of people.

Looking into those pretty eyes, letting Liam's words sink in slowly somehow got to Niall's head as he shyly returned the smile, feeling a bit reckless. Or maybe he was just testing Liam a bit, to see if he would pull out. "I only kiss after the fifth date."

And instead of panicking, Liam laughed, in the most gorgeous way a person could laugh, it had Niall feeling dizzy, already regretting not choosing a lower number. "So, you'd go on a date with me?"

"Maybe. If you ask me really nicely." Then he looked down at their intertwined hands, feeling like a teenage girl with a crush, hell, he nearly started giggling like one too, blushing hard as he felt a soft pair of lips against his forehead.

"Niall, would you wanna go on a date with me?" This was the last chance really, if he said yes then that was a final decision, he'd put his faith into Liam's hands once again, something he had sworn he'd never do again, with no one.

"Yeah…I would. Actually, there's nothing I'd rather do." Kissing Liam, but that could wait, if they really took this slow then maybe it could work, at least it would mean that Liam was willing to try, right, that it wasn't just because of the sex or whatever, he really just wanted to be with Niall.

A finger under his chin made Niall look up into Liam's eyes, biting his lip to hide the smile spreading across his face, but it was pretty impossible to do that so he gave up, hardly being able to hold back and not launch himself at the other boy stroking his cheek now. "I might be holding back really hard to not kiss you, you know. You're absolutely gorgeous."

"Five dates, Liam." Niall reminded, but he chuckled over the compliment, thinking about it for a second before unexpectedly kissing the corner of Liam's mouth and snuggling his head down onto his shoulder afterwards. "And you gotta pay."

"I think I can do that." The smile was very noticeable in Liam's voice as he settled back with his cheek against Niall's head, not letting go of his hand.

 

 

——— 1 month later ———

 

 

"We don't have to, you know, if you're not sure." Liam quickly corrected himself after Niall threw a glare at him, hell, how many times would they have to go through this? "I just don't wanna pressure you."

"Hell, Liam, this is something you say if you take someone's virginity, not for a situation like THIS." Even though it was tiring, and considering the fact that both of them were naked on Niall's couch, he still smiled thinking about how careful Liam was not to do anything he didn't want. He had really kept his promise, in taking things slow, waiting five days before ASKING Niall wether it'd be alright to kiss him. Well, they had had dates five days in a row, but that still counted, right? "Just go on, babe."

Niall adjusted himself, trying not to sound too desperate as he let his eyes wander over Liam's godlike body hovering over him, just thinking about how the other boy would feel inside made him shiver again. They've been making out in Niall's house for what felt like weeks, when really, it had only been two days, in every single room, yet still, they hadn't taken the last step. Liam had kept joking about how he could as well wait until they'd get married so then Niall had screwed everything and now they were here. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"Liam! Just do it." It was getting ridiculous at this point and Niall actually laughed, wrapping his arms around Liam's neck to pull him down, kissing him once. "You've had three fingers in just five minutes ago, I think I'll manage."

"Yeah… yeah, okay. Alright." So _finally_ Liam lined himself up, looking right back at Niall afterwards, having his hands on either sides of his head even though Niall had told him that he didn't mind having his whole weight on top of him, but there was no arguing with Liam when it was about Niall's well being. So really, what would have had to complain about? 

"It's kinda funny, comparing how you are now to the day you gave me a blow job in the bathroom before the concert." Which was true, there was nothing left of those rough and quick make out sessions, getting each other off before anyone would come in and see them. This was much better.

Liam pulled a face at Niall for reminding him of that before gently pushing in, fitting his mouth to Niall's again who parted his lips with a sigh, holding onto Liam's hair while kissing him deeply, slowly. They didn't pull apart until their hips were flush against each other, that's when Liam released a moan he seemed to have been holding back until then. "God, Ni, you're so tight, so hot… fuck, how's it feel? You okay?"

He brushed some hair out of Niall's forehead, kissing the exposed skin, he still seemed to be worried about him, even if both their breaths were going faster now, which obviously did not come from pain. "Feels good, you can move, I'm fine. Please."

This time Liam compiled easier, nodding once before kissing Niall again while slowly pulling back out again and rocking back in. It felt so good, Niall held Liam even tighter, wanting to feel him everywhere all at the same time, nothing else mattered, just Liam. 

"Good, yeah?" Niall settled for nodding, keeping his eyes pressed closed as Liam mumbled against his lips, trailing his open mouth kisses over Niall's cheek, panting against his skin, picking up a solid rhythm. "You're so perfect, Nialler… god, you feel so good, babe, so good…"

A moan escaped Niall when Liam angled his thrusts a bit more, brushing his prostate now whenever he pushed back in, slowly, but hard. This felt better than anything they had ever done before, no doubt, it was so much more intimate too, Niall thanked the heavens for not doing this before, saving it for a special moment like this, where he was allowed to call Liam his _boyfriend_ , holding their bodies pressed together and being sure that it was only just them now, just Liam and Niall, no one they had to hide this from, no girlfriend Liam would go back to later. No, he'd stay here.

"Can you cum like this?" Liam's voice was right by his ear now, biting his earlobe gently before sucking on it, making Niall groan. "Can you cum with me just fucking you?"

"Y-Yeah… Liam…" He hardly brought a word out that made sense, pulling Liam's hair in the most gently way he could, trying to tell him that he was really close, hell, he was gonna burst any second now that Liam speeded up a little.

"Been thinking about this for so long, babe… you're beautiful like this, you know?" If he carried on talking like this, Niall would fall even more in love with him even if he hadn't thought that was possible, but apparently, Liam was really out for it. He stroked Niall's sweaty face, his voice sounding all deep and throaty, moving his thumb over the other boy's lip gently before moving his hand down between their bodies. "Come on, Ni, just let it go, I wanna see your face when you cum before me. Look at me, baby." 

Which was unnecessary to say because Niall's eyes shot open when he felt Liam's hand wrapping around his ignored member, stroking him in time with his thrusts and that was wen Niall couldn't hold back anymore. He came all over Liam's fist and their bodies, still with Liam's name on his lips while almost scratching the other boy's back bleeding because of how tightly he held on, clenching around Liam as he tried to calm down afterwards, head spinning. "That was perfect…"

"Yeah…" Liam was still rocking into him, sweat dripping down his temple that Niall wiped away before pulling the other boy down to bury his face in his neck, wanting it to feel as good for him as it had for Niall.

"I love you so much, Liam. So damn much, you know. I'd never want to do any of this with anyone but you, you're always making me feel so good." Niall scattered kisses into Liam's hair and the side of his head when he felt his boyfriend coming apart, soothing the spots on his back where he felt a few marks from his fingernails as Liam came inside him, groaning against Niall's skin.

Both were breathing hard as Liam's hips came to a stop, he kept his head down for a while as he just lay on top of Niall, humming at the blonde boy brushing through his hair. How come they had never done this before, Niall was pretty sure he'd never get enough of any of this, feeling Liam like this was heaven, he still hadn't pulled out or moved yet and he wouldn't have had to either.

"We definitely gotta do this again later." Yeah, Niall couldn't wait a whole day and it made Liam laugh softly, he placed a kiss against Niall's neck before lifting his head to look at him. 

"Give me a break before, please." They both were really sweaty snow, flushed as hell, but smiling at each other until Liam pecked Niall's lips once more, suddenly letting out a breathless laugh against his mouth. "I love you too, Niall. God, I love you."

It was the first time he had said that, sure, he had said a lot of things that came close but this time Niall's heart made a big jump at hearing what he had been wanting to hear for so damn long, since freaking months, this was all he had ever wanted basically, being able to call Liam his. Embarrassing enough, it brought tears to his eyes now.

"Hey, hey, baby, don't cry, what's wrong?" Liam jumped into panic mode as soon as he realized what was going, brushing his fingers everywhere over Niall's face, placing kisses in between and making the other boy giggle at the treatment. "You okay, Ni? I didn't hurt you, did I? I can pull out, if-"

"No, Liam. I'm not hurt, I just… those are happy tears." Niall felt dumb for having to say it, shrugging slightly as he noticed the fond smile Liam was giving him now before kissing his nose gently, wiping his thumbs underneath Niall's eyes. "Stay like this for a while, please?"

"Yeah… of course, babe. I'm so happy that you liked it, I just wanted to make you feel good." Good was an understatement.

"You did, Li. You always do." Somehow they ended up kissing again, always making sure to touch each other in some way, and when they pulled apart after what seemed like forever, Liam put his head down again, sighing happily when Niall continued stroking his hair.

It was really late when they finally got out of Niall's shower and put on clothes again for sleeping, only because it got cold at night, but when Liam sat down on the bed, about to pull Niall with him, the other boy suddenly remembered something important he had planned on doing before they had ended up naked on his couch. "Wait."

"What is it?" Liam's expression was understandably confused as Niall slowly pulled his hand away, a bit nervous now.

"I gotta give you something, I just gotta find it. Stay on the bed, okay?" With that, and a quick kiss on his boyfriend's forehead, Niall quickly slipped out of his room, half running downstairs before going through a few drawers, silently cursing himself for being so messy.

When he came back, Liam was sitting in the middle of the bed, looking so cute and clueless that it made Niall smile without a reason, well, there was a reason actually, he had gotten the most wonderful boy in the whole world. "What is it?" 

"Well, I thought… you should have this, since I don't mind having you around me all the time and… and if you wanna leave some stuff here, y'know…" It was a second key to Niall's house, he had had to go and get it made but it had definitely been worth it he decided after letting it drop into Liam's hand, crawling into the bed as well. 

"Thank you so much, Ni, really. Come here." It really did sound happy, Liam's face was all sunshine now as he reached out for Niall, pulling him over into his lap before repeatedly kissing his cheek until the blonde boy was laughing. "I love you. I was a bit scared you'd ask me to marry you."

Niall shifted in Liam's lap to be more comfortable, moving his hand over where the other boy's arms were wrapped around his stomach. "Of course not, you silly bean."

That made Liam laugh loudly, Niall felt his chest vibrating against his back, not moving his head away from it's place on Liam's shoulder, it was too comfortable. "Did you just call me a silly bean?"

"Yeah, you are one. But anyway, what would you have said if I had asked you that anyway?" Not that he planned on doing it, a one month relationship was a bit short maybe. 

"Well…" Liam took his time to answer, kissing Niall's ear and rocking him a bit. "I would've probably said we should wait. Maybe we should move in together first and see how it goes."

"We should move in together." Niall confirmed, his heart beat speeding up at the topic, if he hadn't been such a coward, he would've asked Liam about that already. "You could just um, get some stuff and… stay here for a few days. Weeks. Whatever floats your boat, you know."

A bit scared for a second, Niall turned his head to bury it in Liam's neck, relieved as the arms around him tightened and Liam leaned back against the pillows. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Really?" Up until now, ever since Liam had gotten out of hospital, they had nearly spent each day together anyways, except for a few maybe, which had been horrible, but the idea of living with Liam had always seemed kinda appealing to Niall, even before any of this had happened. He was such good company, and even more now.

"Of course, I like being with you. Maybe some day… we should get another place, just for us, you know. Not now, I mean, but sometime." Yes, that had exactly been Niall's plan.

"Yeah, we should. And can we get a puppy too then?" Liam laughed at this, rolling them to the side so their limbs were tangled up so much that it was hard to tell which belonged to who.

"I'll get you ten puppies if you want 'em, baby." And as Liam kissed his lips later before they went to sleep, Niall still felt really giddy thinking about all of this, it was so exciting to think about everything that could happen in the future. Of course, maybe there'd be bad days too, but somehow, Niall was sure they'd always find their way back to each other, just like they always did.


End file.
